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Criminals are often stupid

Published June 22. 2013 09:02AM

Irony has its moments. For example, a week or so ago a colleague locked her keys inside her car. Not having AAA or any type of driving support program, she asked me and another colleague if we could assist her in getting her locked door open.

We went downstairs and searched our cars to find the right items that would aid us in opening her car door. My friend happened to have a plastic coated wrench and an ice scraper in his car. With those two implements we managed to leverage a narrow space in between the body of the car and the door, enough to get a rod or something inside to press the door lock.

With that potential remedy tested, I found a stick that was long enough to reach inside to the button. It took us about ten minutes but we managed to pop the lock open and she was able to retrieve her keys to a much needed happy ending.

I thought that would be the end of the story, but the next day going to work I heard of another woman with the same dilemma, but instead of being happy the door to her car was opened, she ended up arrested.

Apparently this woman had the same issue as my friend. She locked her keys in the car and in the ensuing panic, she called the New Jersey local police department. A kind officer was more than happy to assist the woman and within five or ten minutes he was able to open the door.

Of course no good deed goes unpunished and the officer noticed a plastic bag of heroin sitting in the car. Using this as a reason for a search, the police officer discovered 14 more bags of drugs and some other paraphernalia in the vehicle and promptly arrested the woman who no longer had to worry about a ride home. She earned herself a ride to lockup.

Now I have to ask. Has the intelligence level of the world dropped so far that someone with an openly displayed bag of drugs on the front seat of their car would stoop to calling the police and not think they will be caught or that the officer would notice the contraband.

I don't know how you readers feel about that, but to me it would be like a murderer rolling a body in a carpet and asking the police to carry the dripping rug out of a building. One might as well just ask the cops to cuff them now.

It brings to mind an episode of "Cops" where the police in Fort Worth, Texas were at a domestic dispute and while the tensions were high and backups were waiting on the street some neighbor sauntered right up to the police to give his opinions about the argumentative couple while holding a large styrofoam cup. After a few moments, the police officer asked him,"What are you drinking buddy?" to which the man replied, "Some beer"

The next thing is quite predictable and comical as the police officer confirmed what his incredulous ears just heard. "You are drinking a beer?" The man calmly confirmed that he was. With that, the officer read him his rights and reminded him in the state of Texas it is illegal to have an open container on the streets in public.

If that wasn't bad enough, there is a news story I came across on the web from a site called Newser ( that describes a traffic stop in Washington state with an unusual twist.

Apparently Omar Medina was pulled over for suspicion of driving while intoxicated so what does he do? What every allegedly innocent driver would do. He offers the patrolman a beer when asked for his driver's license.

While that is unusual enough, the policeman was befuddled when twenty six year old Medina calmly informed him that he was a government assassin and that he did not have to cooperate with the police. Of course, the officer arrested him since he received reports that Medina was drunk in the parking lot of a local convenience store.

It turns out Mr. Medina was a frequent flyer who had three previous DUI arrests and a revoked license.

I'm sure his cellmate will love to hear all about his James Bond-like exploits. And these days who knows? Uncle Sam will probably listen in too.

While this is fascinating, one of the funnier stupid criminal stories of the week is about two women in Florida who decided they wanted to fulfill a bucket list request.

A bucket list made popular in the movie of the same name is a list of things one wants to do before they die.

Apparently Jennifer Morrow and Denise Mobley wanted to be bathing suit robbers from Walmart. That's not on my personal bucket list, but who am I to judge? To fulfill their dream task they went to Walmart and while Mobley, who is 36, ate beef jerky, the thirty eight year old Morrow stuffed some bathing suits into her purse under the watchful eye of a Walmart employee.

The police were tipped off and they promptly arrested the pair for petty theft giving them something new for their bucket lists, a trip to jail.

Sometimes criminals can be really dumb.

Til next time…

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