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Nose Stones

Published February 09. 2013 09:02AM

OK. So how many of you dream at night?

Do you ever have these really weird dreams?

Let me tell you about the one I had last night.

I remember being in a large room with other people who had this amazing ability. Their bodies could form these things and then pass them through their noses. They called them, "Nose Stones." They snorted them out through a nostril. They were jellylike and the color of red grapes. Most of them were about the size of a grape. Some were larger, some smaller. One guy snorted one out that was three and a half feet long and it was like a patchwork quilt of red and black plaids, like the old Woolwich coat my dad use to wear. I was so impressed. I told the person who brought me that I wanted to pass a Nose Stone too. He said that's why I was there. So I snorted and snorted and snorted ... and woke myself up.

I have this cold and before I went to bed, the right side of my nose was just draining like a faucet. So I wadded a Kleenex up my nostril so I could sleep. When I woke myself up, I was snorting and snorting until the Kleenex popped out. At first I was a little disappointed. It took me a minute to realize I wasn't holding a Nose Stone in my hand but a very wet and snotty Kleenex.



When I die, I want to come back in my next life as a Budweiser Clydesdale. Who wouldn't want to be that beautiful and pampered?

I just love the commercials that feature those awesome creatures. As far as I'm concerned, it was the best Super Bowl commercial. I liked Dodge's "God Made a Farmer" with Paul Harvey, the goat and Doritos, and the Hyundai one of the kids' putting together a football team.

Each year, I watch the Super Bowl Game just for the commercials. They get a lot of hype because companies pay so much to have their product advertised during the game. At $3.7 million for a 30-second commercial, I feel bad for all those other companies with stupid commercials. They got ripped off big time by their advertising firms. $3.7 million dollars for a pretty black fish swimming around a black bottle of beer against a black background? Geesch. A buck ninety-eight maybe. $3.7 mill? No way. My snorting Nose Stones idea would make a better commercial than that.


I heard back from a couple of readers about their favorite old television shows they liked as kids.

Jeanne McArdle said she was crushed too when she heard about Sally Starr's passing.

"All my children watched her and I remember once when she had a contest going on, our family won a huge, and I mean a huge teddy bear, which was bigger than myself."

Louise Richter said, "Oh, my heart broke when I heard the news, too. She (Starr) was the one constant in my life as a kid ... we listened to her, too ... maybe because there was something about her that made us afraid NOT to disobey her orders! You asked for memories and favorites that we had growing up-I KNOW you didn't forget Buffalo Bob and Howdy Doody, did you? He had that clown that never said a word, remember? Was his name Happy? Or maybe Bozo. I did forget that. One other that you might not have gotten on your TV in the mountains ... Soupy Sales! My brothers and I screamed when HE came on ... White Fang, Black Tooth etc. And the old pie in the face ... talk about memories!"

As I told Louise, I didn't forget about Buffalo Bob and Howdy Doody. I just ran out of room to mention all my other favorites.

Do you remember Howdy Doody's clown friend's name? If you said "Clarabelle" you're right.

Soupy Sales was one of my editor's (Bob Urban) favorite TV stars, too. I don't remember him so much. Maybe he was on the same time as one of my other favorites, like the Three Stooges. Now they made me laugh so hard a Nose Stone could have come flying out of my nose!


Just thought I'd give you an update on Harry and his Christmas gift ... his radio control helicopters. Remember I told you it was a package deal of one big helicopter and one little one?

Well, he played with that little one so much, he became very proficient at taking off and landing. In fact, he can land it on our bed post, which is about a 6"x 6" square. He calls it his "helipad." In becoming that proficient, there were a lot of crash landings and bashing into things.

One night I heard, "Uh oh. I think I broke it." He did. He worked on the top blade and glued it, but, he just couldn't get it to work.

About a week later, I heard a little "whir whir whir" going on and went to investigate.

"Wow! You got it working! You're really a good mechanic!" I said admiringly as I watched it flying around the kitchen/dining area.

He just grinned, proud as punch.

I asked what he did to get it running. He just grinned. I left him to his fun.

When it ran down its charge, he came to me, holding the helicopter, and said with a sheepish grin, "I didn't fix it. I bought a new one."

"You bought a new one?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah. I missed playing with it. When I went to the mall to buy you a birthday present, I saw the helicopter guy was still there. So, I bought another one."

Wait. It gets better. He was able to fix the first one. So now while one is charging, he flies the other one. It's a non-stop flight zone in my house!

I'm so thrilled I could snort a Nose Stone.

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