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Just callme crotchety

Published August 31. 2013 09:00AM

It's raining. Again.

Which makes me about as crotchety as Clint Eastwood in his latest movie "Trouble With the Curve."

Whine. Whine.

Which means another day I won't be in the pool. Summer is winding down to a few precious few. When Harry sees the calendar say Sept. 1, he's ready to shut the pool down. I'm always hopeful that summer will extend herself for a couple of weeks to give me a little more time to splish and splash.

There are other ways I can tell summer is coming to an end.

As I drive along, my nose and eyes can't help but notice the ragweed in full bloom. Achoo!

The sumac is turning red.

Some schools have started.

It's time for fairs and festivals.

When a breeze blows through the trees, leaves are beginning to flutter down.

The nights are getting cooler. Great for sleeping, but bad for my pool water temperature.

Whine. Whine.

Autumn and I have a love/hate relationship.

I absolutely love everything about autumn ... the foods, the smells, the colors of changing leaves, the scenery, the decorations, the pumpkins, the pleasant weather.

But I hate what it signifies ... the coming of Wretched Winter. Cold, snow, ice, winter coats, high oil bills ... Yuk!

Whine. Whine.

That's why I'm so thankful for my email friends. Just when I'm feeling like a crotchety whiny old thing, somebody sends me an email that just warms the cockles of my cholesterol-ridden heart.


My body ain't what it use to be. Even when I'm naked, I still wanna slip into something more comfortable.

Age is important only if you're cheese.

I called the incontinence hot line and they asked "Can you please hold?"

Old is when you're napping but everyone's worried that you're dead."

And to make matters worse, some of our favorite musical artists have aged right along with us and have come out with some remakes of their old hits to fit all these wonderful changes we're experiencing, like:

Bobby Darin's "Splish Splash I Was Having a Flash

Herman's Hermits "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker."

Ringo Starr-"I Get By With A Little Help From Depends."

The Bee Gees-"How Can You Mend A Broken Hip"

Roberta Flack-"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"

Johnny Nash-"I Can't See Clearly Now"

Paul Simon-"Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver"

The Commodores-"Once, Twice, Three Times To the Bathroom"

Procol Harem-"A Whiter Shade of Hair"

Leo Sayer-"You Make Me Feel Like Napping"

The Temptations-"Papa's Got A Kidney Stone"

Abba-"Denture Queen"

Tony Orlando-"Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall"

Helen Reddy-"I Am Woman Hear Me Snore"

Leslie Gore-"It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To"

And my all time favorite ... Willie Nelson-"On the Commode Again!"

Yup. Nothing here to make a person feel all crotchety, now is there?

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