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Here's my sign

Published February 05. 2011 09:00AM

I love getting my country home catalogs. I store them like nuts and bring them out whenever I feel hungry for some "me time" to just sit and daydream about how I could redo my rooms. It's one of my most favorite winter pastimes.

Most of them feature signs to hang in your home like "Live Love Laugh."

I have a few signs like that throughout my house. One is "Simplify."

I'm all about simplifying my life. I think as we get older, we crave less clutter, not only in our homes, but our busy lives. Every time I set out to de-clutter something, I'm amazed at how difficult it is to throw it away, give it away and so instead I end up packing it away. Which means, my closets are looking good but my attic is overflowing with my feeble attempt at simplifying.

"God Bless America," hangs in my dining room and is a prayer I pray every day.

My favorite one is in the kitchen, "Kiss the cook or you don't eat." Harry's pretty good about that one. But if I don't get a kiss, we have to eat out. Hmmm. Maybe I have to lose that sign.

As I paged through one of my books, I couldn't help but wonder about some of the sayings on some of the signs.

Like, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Whew. That's deep. And wet. I gave up dancing in the rain when I was eight years old when my mom scolded me for being too stupid to come in out of the rain.

"Welcome to my porch."

I love sitting on my porch. Nothing is more pleasurable than sitting on my swing while reading a good book. Right up until those little blood-sucking mosquitoes begin their assault. Then I have to go in the house and where I'm left looking at my porch.

"Garden Blessings-A Little Sun, A Little Rain and a Strong Back."

It's that strong back that does me in and why I don't have a garden.

"What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's."

Ahh. That's so cute. But I think every Grandma and Grandpa should have to sign a contract to that effect. I know one Grandma (who's name shall remain anonymous, Janet) who rats on her grandkids all the time.

"I'm so far behind I thought I was first."

That, my friends, is my life in a nutshell.

This was on one page, "Be nice or leave" and this was on another page, "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me." My heart says the first one should hang in every home, but my gossip bone says the second one is more fun. Oh, bad Linda, bad Linda.

"When pigs fly."

That one's a hoot. Usually that phrase is preceded with something like, "I'll lose 50 lbs. ... when pigs fly" or "I'll vote for Obamacare ... when pigs fly."

"What if the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about?"

I love this one! Remember that silly little kids song? "Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about. Do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself around, that's what it's all about." What wouldn't we give if world peace, world hunger, and losing 50 lbs. would be as easy as doing the Hokey Pokey?

"Thou shalt not whine" should be accompanied by another sign "Unless you have cheese and crackers."

"It is what it is."

Now that one should be hanging right above my window so every time I look outside at the snow and ice, it will help me accept that this is winter in Pennsylvania. It is what it is. And I should be glad I am living in Pennsylvania and not in Lead, South Dakota where they received so much snow, people couldn't get out of their houses. Boy, I sure hope they made their toilet paper, milk and bread run the day before that snowstorm! I'm telling you, after I saw those pictures of snow so high it completely covered doorways and windows, I made up my mind I was never going to complain about snow here in PA again.

While I'm not complaining, I did take down my cute little snowman sign that says, "Let it snow, Let it snow."

In it's place, I hung a calendar there with a countdown until the first day of spring which is only 44 days away!

I'm going to leave you with these words of wisdom found on another sign ..."Enjoy the little things in life for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things."

OK. That's really too serious and sounds like something Confucius would say. So let's end this with something the King of Signs, Bill Engvall once said. He's the comedian that came up with "Here's your sign" for the stupid things people say. Like ...

"One day I locked my keys in my car and as I was standing there with a coat hanger halfway thru the top of my window, a guy walks up and asks, 'Lock yer keys in the car?' Without missing a beat I said, 'Nope, Just washed it and was hanging it up to dry.'"

... Here's your sign.

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