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Thoughts and laws

Published December 03. 2011 09:01AM


Although I like Rep Jerry Knowles personally, I'm not happy that Summit Hill is being moved out of the 122nd Legislative District into his district. For whatever reasons being given, the move just doesn't make any sense.

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to go to the bathroom.

A lot of people would like to see Penn State skip going to a bowl game this year because of the aftermath of the child abuse scandal, but I think that would be unfair to all the players who had nothing to do with the nightmare circumstances surrounding the university.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

I hope the guys who deer hunt behind my house know exactly where and what they're shooting at.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

It's just my opinion, but I think Eagles' wide receiver DeSean Jackson is a quitter, and he deserved to be benched in the fourth quarter of last week's loss to New England.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Most Thanksgivings are meant to be remembered. But this one is special for my bride and me. We found out we're going to become grandparents again - next June. What a gift.

5. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

More kids are skipping required school vaccines. That's not good. Thankfully, Pennsylvania isn't one of the states listed that has a high rate of those being delinquent.

6. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

I admire the people who man the Salvation Army kettles. I think they understand the true meaning of Christmas.

7. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

And, how about the woman who pepper sprayed a bunch of shoppers so she could get to the bargains on Black Friday. Glad I stayed home that day. I like to Christmas shop when there aren't too many crazies in the crowd.

8. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

9. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

17. The Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

18. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

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