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Date night

Published March 20. 2010 09:00AM

So it's Friday night. Date night. I come home from work thinking pizza and a movie.

My "date" says, "Let's go to Tractor Supply."

Yee haw.

Somewhere off in the distance I hear Jeff Foxworthy saying, "You might be a Redneck when your idea of a hot date is a trip to Tractor Supply."

Well, if I've learned anything about marriage, it's all about compromise.

Surely I could sacrifice one Friday night of my idea of a good time for his version?

As we enter the world of tractors, I immediately notice there aren't any tractors.

Oh, they have lawn mowers. But when I think of a tractor, I think of big John Deeres and Allis Chalmers and hay balers and... well, you get the drift.

But, they definitely have a lot of "stuff."

As soon as we hit the inside of the door, Mr. Bargain Man spies work blue jeans "On Sale." We spend the next few minutes trying to find his size. He feels like he won the lottery when he finds two pair. In the buggy they go.

Next on his list is dog and cat food. Too much excitement for me, I send him off on his own, because out of the corner of my eye, I see a hint of pink and surely that can mean only one thing-something Girlie. This needs to be investigated.

Sure enough, there are some darling shirts complete with some sparkle. And in my size, too!

As I meander around, I find the cutest garden clogs. Just my luck! My size!

On my way toward the lawn furniture, I see my date studiously looking at some kind of tool thingee. He looks happier than a pig in slop!

I spend several minutes reading all the print on the various bird feeders. Decisions. Decisions. Do I want to court song birds, finches or humming birds? Do I want squirrel proof? Is it too much to ask to have it all in one handy dandy feeder?

I find rose bushes and my mind starts to think spring. I'm going to need a climbing rose bush for my trellis because we ripped the old dead one out last fall. Let's see. Do I want miniature, English, hardy or rambling? Do I want the gorgeous red Stairway to Heaven or the beautiful deep pink High Society or the multicolored pink to peach Joseph's Coat? Oh my, what's a girl to do?

I find my date and he looks unhappy.

"What's wrong?" I ask solicitously.

"The one thing I really wanted isn't here," he pouts.

"What are you looking for?"

"Stuff for Trapper's tail."


Let me tell you about Trapper's tail.

First of all, this dog loves one thingtracking bunnies. He lives for it.

Don't get me wrong. He likes Harry. A lot. But he LOVES being out in the fields tracking rabbits. It is his purpose in life. And when he's on the trail, he wags his tail. Furiously. So much so that it gets all cut up and scratched from the brush. And it bleeds.

Harry gets upset because his little buddy is hurt. He's tried wrapping it, but Trap wags it so much that the wraps don't stay on. Harry heard about something to put on dogs' tails to help heal and that it could be found at Tractor Supply.

Disgusted that he can't find what he's looking for, he heads back to the tools.

Now I grew up pretending to be Nancy Drew and I love a mystery. So I head toward the pet supply area.

Wow! You name it, they have it. From food, to litter, to carriers, kennels, beds, vitamins, flea and tick control, wormer, pooper scoopers, hay feeders to bottles for baby animals. This store has it all.

They have repellents to keep animals out of your garden. They even have "Snake Stopper." I'm thinking I should buy some but Harry says we don't have snakes. I know better. We've had a couple of garter snakes now and then that have slithered across my path, much to my horror, and to my way of thinking, they were two too many. "Snake Stopper" sounds like something I definitely should have. Even if its just for peace of mind.

I almost buy "Hoof Heal" because it advertises that it "aids in preventing brittle cracked hoof wall and heel." I can so relate.

Bingo! I find the liquid band aid stuff Harry was looking for and search him out to tell him. Nancy Drew lives on to solve another mystery.

We push our buggy filled with all our treasures to the check-out. There are several magazines that draw me toward them with their beautiful colored covers featuring animals to gardensTractor Supply's answer to grocery store tabloids. I could spend hours perusing them but my date is ready to go.

As we leave, I'm beginning to understand the name of this store.

You need a tractor to haul home all the supplies you buy.

So maybe date night is turning out to be OK when I think I hear Jeff Foxworthy say, "You might be a Redneck if you have a good time at Tractor Supply."

OK. Next date night we're going to an art gallery show complete with wine and cheese.

I dare Jeff Foxworthy to show up.

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