Skip to main content

Lingerie fairytale

Published July 10. 2010 09:00AM

Once upon a time, four lovely ladies, Darling Diann, Dearest Devoe, Precious Pattie and Lumpy Linda, climbed aboard their carriage and made their way to the Vanity Fair.

Oh, what a grand time they had! They found all manner of entertainment at the Vanity Fair.

And all they needed were their magic tickets. These tickets were not required for admittance. Oh no. They were only used for exiting. Then they just swiped these plastic tickets through a wizardly machine and they were given instant credit or debit.

Each was given a book of magic spells called a Coupon Book. Every time they bought something and handed over a coupon-Presto! just like magic, the item was reduced in price.

The ladies derived great pleasure in trying on various items of dress. Sometimes the items were too small which caused the maids to laugh and giggle. Sometimes the items were too large which made the maids feel pretty good. And sometimes an item fit just right and it went into a cart to be taken home.

There were several cobblers trying to sell their wares. The ladies spent much time trying on different pairs of footwear. Lumpy Linda came to the conclusion that there is no glass slipper worth giving up comfort for. So she bought a pair of unattractive, but supposedly mystical Easy Spirits, promising to make her feel like she was walking on air.

Precious Pattie spied a tent.

"Oooh Ladies, look! A fun house! And it's filled with lingerie!" she cried in delight.

And so the ladies entered this world of frills.

One of the maids found a pair of leopard skin panties.

"Oooh. I wonder what Sir Gene would think of these," Darling Diann tittered.

"Oh, I think you need to buy them," Precious Pattie cried. "In fact, I think we should all get a pair!"

"Yes! And matching bras," declared Dearest Devoe.

They all agreed and they began to search high and low for silky treasures.

Alas, they all could not find pairs in their sizes. So, Darling Diann purchased hers in leopard skin. Dearest Devoe found hers with zebra stripes. Precious Pattie settled on the classic enticing black.

Lumpy Linda found cheetah print ones but had some concerns they might not fit. Hating to spend a whole $1.75 for something that she might not be able to wear, she entered a changing room to try them on. She left the security of the curtained stall and asked her friends what they thought.

They stared at her in disbelief. And then burst into laughter! For Lumpy Linda came out wearing the sexy bra and panties over her clothing.

"What do you think? Should I buy them?" she asked as she posed for them. In between howls of hilarity and tears running down their faces, they all agreed she should indeed purchase them.

On the return home to their castles, they made a pact that they would all wear their new underthings for their knights in shining armor that evening. They vowed to reveal the results of their attempts to seduce their heroes at their next gathering.

Darling Diann said when she entered their boudoir, her knight took one look at her and laughed.

"What did you buy those for?" he inquired.

Somewhat surprised at his response, she finally said, "For giggles."

End of story.

When Sir Darryl saw his Dearest Devoe in her zebra-wear, he also laughed and gave almost the same response ..."Why did you buy those?" but then added, "They look nice."

End of story.

Sir Scott looked at Precious Pattie in her classic black and said, "Mmmmmmmmmm!" and they wrote a whole new chapter in their fairytale, if you know what I mean.

As for our fair Lumpy Linda. That night she told her Sir Harry that she had a surprise for him. Something she bought at the Vanity Fair. Just for him.

His reaction was the same as Sir Gene's and Sir Darryl's.

He laughed.

End of story. Zippo. Nada.

When the ladies compared notes about their lingerie, they were somewhat surprised that three out of four got the same response and a bit envious of the fair Precious Pattie.

But, not all that much.

Lumpy Linda admitted she was somewhat stumped at her gentleman's response when she came out in her cheetah-wear, modeling them the same way she did for her friends at Lingerie Land.

"Ah, Linda. You think maybe you might have gotten a different reaction if you would have modeled them for Harry the right way?" asked Darling Diann.


"Well, at this age, a good chuckle is almost as good as a frolic in the hay," Lumpy Linda laughed.

All four of our lovely maids concluded that the lingerie items were worth every penny for the jollies they had received.

And so, as the sun sets over four different castles throughout the kingdom, laughter can be heard coming from three tower rooms. We won't mention what was heard coming from the fourth ... that fairytale is x-rated.

The moral of this story is ... sexy lingerie is highly overrated.

The second moral of this story is, one of the blessings of old friends is that you can be as silly as you want to be and those good friends that make you happy are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Oh, and one of our fair maids continues to live happily ever after.

The other three maids were contemplating Pole Dancing classes at the local community college.

The End.

Classified Ads

Event Calendar


October 2017


Upcoming Events

Twitter Feed


Faith Alive UMC hosts ‘Revival on Purpose!’

40.804927, -75.656958

Faith Alive UMC, 678...

Pumpkin social in Tamaqua

40.7986307, -75.9683447

Zion Lutheran Church...

Feed the People hosts Halloween celebration

40.830215, -75.88356

Feed the People is h...

STEP-Up Tamaqua to meet Monday

40.798347, -75.970851

STEP-Up Tamaqua will...

Reader Photo Galleries