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Published February 13. 2010 09:00AM


Thanks for the faithful reader who sent along these observations on growing older. Not that I'm really old, I just feel that way after shoveling snow all week. If you can relate to these observations, then you're probably sore from shoveling also.

Going out is good.

Coming home is better!

When people say you look "Great"...

they add "for your age!"

When you needed the discount you paid full price.

Now you get discounts on everything ...

movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

You forget names ... but it's OK

because other people forgot

they even knew you!!!

The 5 pounds you wanted to lose

is now 15 and you have a better chance

of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

You realize you're never going

to be really good at anything .... especially golf.

Your spouse is counting on you

to remember things you don't remember.

The things you used to care to do,

you no longer care to do,

but you really do care that you

don't care to do them anymore.

Your spouse sleeps better on a lounge chair

with the TV blaring than he does in bed.

It's called his "pre-sleep".

Remember when your mother said

"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?

Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

You used to say,

"I hope my kids GET married ...

Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

You miss the days when everything worked

with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.

When GOOGLE, iPod, email, modem ...

were unheard of, and a mouse was something

that made you climb on a table.

You used to use more 4 letter words ...

"what?"..."when?" ???

Now that you can afford

expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've already read it.

Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Everybody whispers.

You have three sizes of clothes in your closet ....two of which you will never wear.

But old is good in some things:

old songs

old movies

And best of all OLD FRIENDS!

Here's a story on why life is the way it is:

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10?"

So God agreed......

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?"

And God agreed......

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I'll give back the other 40?"

And God agreed again......

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years."

But the human said, "Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back; that makes 80, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

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