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Universal laws

Published August 07. 2010 09:00AM

We all live by laws and regulations. Most are written, and we either conform to them, or find ourselves in troupble.

But there are also universal laws, those which are not written but which emerge in our everyday lives.

Let me demonstrate:

1.Law of Mechanical Repair-After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to go to the bathroom.

2.Law of Gravity-Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3.Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4.Law of Random Numbers- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5.Law of the Alibi-If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6.Variation Law-If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7.Law of the Bath-When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.Law of Close Encounters- The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9.Law of the Result-When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10.Law of Biomechanics-The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena- At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, alwaysarrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. Thefolks inthe aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.TheCoffee Law- As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13.Murphy's Lawof Lockers- If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.Law of Physical Surfaces-The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16.Brown's Law of Physical Appearance-If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking-A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19.Doctors' Law-If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

20. The Law of Winter - If you shovel out your driveway, within an hour the town's snowplow will drive down your street and plow you in again.

21. Universal Law of Finance - If you're just starting to get a nice balance of funds in your checking account, your taxes will come due.

22. Law of Delivery - If you order a large package through the mail, it will always arrive when you're not at home.

23. Gravity and Food Law - If you decide to eat your dinner in front of the television, something will inevitably fall off the tray table onto the floor.

24. Television and Telephone Law - The phone will always ring during the most gripping part of the TV show you're watching.

25. The Trip Law - If you're carrying several large packages from a store to your car, you'll look down and always find that your shoelace came untied.

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