Friday, July 1, 2016
     

Columns

Saturday, May 30, 2015

I have received some favorable responses to jokes I print in this space. With the help of friends, here is some British humor.

These are classified ads which actually were placed in U.K. newspapers.

Free puppies. 1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

Free puppies. Mother is a kennel club registered German shepherd. Father is a super dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

Cows, calves: Never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale.

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

I recently came across an interesting legend about a monk, a punishment and an alleged intercession with the devil which produced one of the most enigmatic tomes in history. Stored in the National Library of Sweden is an infamous religious volume known as the "Devil's Bible." This book also known as the "Codex Gigas" means "Giant Book," but it got its diabolical nickname from the legend that describes its apocryphal origin.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

After spending 12 extraordinary days in Italy with my tour group, the time came all too soon when we had to go to the airport to fly home.

As we patiently worked our way through airport security lines, two of my fellow travelers said: "Well, after being immersed in all that beauty now we have to return home to ordinary days."

I just smiled, thinking that there is no such thing as "an ordinary day."

Yes, Italy had so much beauty in every city and every town. Everywhere we turned there was something special to see, with one delight after another.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

If you are a grandparent today, you probably have learned that texting is a great way to communicate with your grandchildren.

Back in the olden days (or "dinosaur age" as I tease my grandkids), if I wanted to speak with my grandparents I would have to actually go over to their house and visit them, call them on the phone, or send them a note on the back of a carrier pigeon.

When I got my first cellphone, the saleswoman explained how it worked. She showed me how to use the keyboard to text.

I thought to myself, "I'll never use that feature."

Saturday, May 16, 2015

I have written about the great pyramid in the past and some of the possible alternative theories as to the origin of it and its partners on at Giza.

Historians, dreamers and theorists have speculated about their reason for being, what they mean, how they were built and what they symbolize. Depending on who you speak with, they are burial chambers, possible generators of some sort or just plain monuments.

They are probably some of the most studied constructions in all history because the closer one examines them, the more questions they generate.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

By CHRIS PARKER

cparker@tnonline.com

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and I'm standing in a fire company social hall amid a swirl of exuberant family, friends and friends-I-haven't-yet-met.

Within the hour, the crowd will be sitting quietly, the only sounds that of the occasional sniffle as someone wipes away a tear of bittersweet joy.

Saturday, May 16, 2015
There was a time when cars had style, including tires and hubcaps.

May is a great month because it brings us Mother's Day, Memorial Day and the emergence of those grand old motorcars of days gone by.

That's because May brings warm weather.

Garages are opened and out come the works of art that once graced America's highways.

Yes, if there's one thing I like just as much as 1880s bicycles, it's lead sleds from great days of automotive design.

How can anyone not enjoy those magnificent cars of our youth?

Let's face it, today's cars all look the same.

Saturday, May 16, 2015
SPECIAL TO THE TIMES NEWS @$:Harry Koehler with a 27 inch brown trout, weighing 6 1/2 pounds, caught at the Kunkletown Rod & Gun Club pond.

Recent phone conversation between Harry and Linda:

"Linda, I caught a big fish."

"That's nice dear. How big?"

"Big."

"Bigger than Bubba?"

"Yeah. Bigger than Bubba."

(Bubba is a large mouth bass he caught in Maine several years ago and Harry had him mounted. Bubba now graces a wall in Harry's office/trophy room.)

"It's a brown trout, 27 and inches long. It weighs six and a half pounds."

Wow! Even I knew that was big.

"Did you throw him back?"

"Are you nuts? I'm keeping it. Who would believe me if I didn't have the proof?"

Saturday, May 16, 2015

I never worried much about pickpockets and crooks until I planned a trip to Italy.

A friend looked at the big purse I was planning to take with me and said if I carried that it would be like waving a sign that said: Rob me.

My daughter Maria said he was right and directed me to an Internet site that specialized in travel purses.

"Make sure you get one with steel cables in the straps or thieves will cut the strap and get away with your purse before you know it's gone," she said.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

By AMY MILLER

amiller@tnonline.com

It's been a busy week so when it came time to write my Where We Live, I didn't have much to say, much energy to figure out a topic and I really didn't know what to write about.

But after a little Internet searching, I decided to honor all the mothers out there who will be celebrating Mother's Day on Sunday with a poem I found on the Web. The author is unknown, but it's a fitting tribute to the women who have given their all to teach their children right from wrong, how to love and how to be responsible.