Just be
"Try to be better than yourself."
When author William Faulkner said these words more than a century ago, he would never have believed that this many years later, more than 60 million Americans are getting counseling to "try to be better."A recent survey reports that despite the confident faces people wear in public, adults of all ages, including very successful people, admit to have daily issues with self-esteem, anxiety or stress. Whether it's the demands from their competitive careers or from the strains put upon them by family relationships, they rise from their beds each morning feeling unsatisfied with themselves.The sale of self-help books is at an all-time high. The message from self-improvement classes and video podcasts is very convincing. They say you need to pull the zipper down on your body and step out of your old skin. Reinvent yourself from your toes right up to the top of your head.It's time to become the next new "Super-Me!"So here I go. I need to have a better sense of humor. Instead of getting angry when my car's transmission breaks down and it's going to cost more than a grand to get it fixed, I'll just laugh. Oh, I feel inferior when I'm with confrontational people, too. Next time, someone tries to start up with me, I'm gonna knock him to the ground with a right hand to his chin!In the cartoon "Peanuts," Charlie Brown's know-it-all friend Lucy van Pelt sat in her booth selling him her nickel's worth of advice about what he should do to improve himself. If you're a fan of the comic strip, you saw Charlie stand at the booth many times and yet he would always hang his head and walk away feeling low and blue.Take a more serious look at what I call this Charlie Brown Frown Syndrome and you'll find all kinds of therapeutic methods to fix personal flaws.An interesting perspective on self-improvement comes from the article, "Pick your brain - grow yourself." The writer says we should capitalize on our strengths and forget about fixing our weaknesses. He points out that focusing on our flaws makes our brains believe we are not good enough while focusing on our strengths increases our brain activity and releases dopamine, a molecule that provides feelings of pure happiness.This makes me think that confronting a character flaw could actually make the problem worse. Someone who is told to talk about his anger just might become angrier. Discussing a poor self-esteem issue face-to-face could put more steps on the ladder for someone to climb before he can feel better about himself.Some experts also advise that we need to change how we feel when we react to life's challenging circumstances.Inspirational speaker Ivania Vanzan would disagree. She said, "I gave myself permission to feel and experience all of my emotions. In order to do that, I had to stop being afraid to feel. In order to do that, I taught myself to believe that no matter what I felt or what happened when I felt it, I would be OK."In her view, our feelings are never right or wrong. A boy cries after he strikes out in a baseball game and his father says, "Why are you crying? Shake it off; it's part of the game." He cries because he feels sad.Say you're filled with anxiety. A well-meaning friend says, " Stop worrying so much." He's trying to be helpful, but at the same time, he's denying the honesty of your feelings.American musician David Lee Roth said, "The problem with self-improvement is knowing when to quit." He also said, "The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train."Imagine this. I'm standing behind Charlie Brown who waits for another dose of advice from Lucy. She says to him, "Be more confident. Be someone who doesn't worry so much. Be who you are supposed to be, Charlie Brown!"She storms out of her booth and I seize the opportunity to jump inside."Charlie," I say. "You are kind, caring, thoughtful and a good friend.""So what advice to you have for me?" he asks with his usual frown.I throw him a smile and give him his nickel back."Just be."Rich Strack can be reached at