I just had a lengthy debate with a friend about dividing household responsibility.

Her complaint is the same one I hear from so many women: She has to be responsible for all the cooking and household work.Her husband thinks his only job is earning a paycheck to support the family, she said.Most of the time she's fine with that arrangement. She takes pride in cooking healthy meals and in maintaining a well-kept house.But every now and then resentment bubbles over, she told me."Why must I always be the one to schlep to the grocery store, cart home all the groceries and cook every meal?" she questions.She thinks she and her husband should share that task because she gets tired of doing it. She also thinks it's an unappreciated job she's been handling alone.I told her it usually doesn't work that way. Guys are often oriented only toward work while it's mostly a woman's role to keep the home fires burning.She told me I was "hopelessly out of date.""In your generation," she said, "that was the case. Women took care of everything in the home, no matter what. Guys didn't do all that much after they came home from work."Well, not quite. Guys usually did home maintenance such as fixing the clogged sink or repairing a broken banister. Some guys came home and did complete remodeling, saving thousands of dollars over what they would pay a contractor.Some guys fixed the cars or at least kept them running.Sure, I think in many homes there was a delineation of duties "in my day," as she calls it.She informed me that's not the case today."Every single one of my friends have husbands who help with the cooking and household chores," she insisted."That's only fair when both work outside the home. Why should the woman be stuck in the kitchen while he gets to do what he wants?" she fumed.Well, I guess she's right. I'm probably hopelessly out of date if that's the case.Most of my friends do all the cooking. Their spouses have certain things they make, along with doing the grilling. But generally, the wife does most of the cooking.And I do admit I hear some grumbles from the women."He gets to retire and do what he wants in life. I never get to retire from the cooking, cleaning and household chores," complained one woman.She complained long and hard until her husband agreed to help more. Now, every Saturday, they work together on the house. But she says she's "still stuck" the rest of the week.I do all the cooking in my house. I do it all for two reasons: I love to cook. And I view cooking for my spouse as an act of love. I guess it's the Italian in me.I often go into the kitchen and make a dish I don't especially like. But David does, so I do it for him as an act of love.Love is like that. We do little acts of love for the most important people in our life.When I go to the grocery store, I buy a container of cashew nuts for my husband because I know he likes them.Again, bringing home an unexpected treat is just another act of love.Those acts of love are not one-sided.Every morning David gets up before I do and makes a pot of coffee. I love the wonderful aroma each morning when I walk into the kitchen, and I appreciate that daily act of love.We each read different daily papers. He likes one with in-depth national and international news while I like a local paper filled with what's going on in my area.David often finds an article in The Wall Street Journal that he thinks I might like, so he puts it in front of my seat at the breakfast table.I do the same thing for him when I find something in the local paper he would like to know.Again, that's a little act of love.While I do the cooking every night, David is the one who does the dishes. I like that arrangement.In fact, he helps with just about everything.My friends say they are envious of the way David helps wash windows and scrub floors.While I know I am blessed, our home is not utopia. We also have our gender squabbles, but for a different reason.David thinks a husband and wife should do everything together. Everything.That means when he lays tile, he thinks I should, too. When he's fixing something under the sink, he thinks I should be involved, too.The other day he tried to get me to use a weird kind of wrench to turn washers that were rusted shut.At my age, it's too late to try to turn me into a mechanic. I would have embraced that knowledge when I was young. But now I know I have no mechanical aptitude.I think David should do the mechanical repairs and I'll stick to being happy in the kitchen.Yes, I know. That's gender stereotyping.Hey, it works for me.Out of curiosity, I would like to hear how you handle gender roles in your home. Let me know your thoughts.Contact Pattie Mihalik at

newsgirl@comcast.net.