By Pattie Mihalik

I’ve been thinking lately about friends — old friends, new friends and future friends I’ve yet to meet.

I just read that it’s harder to make friends when we get older because by then people don’t easily accept new people into their social circle. Instead, they tend to stay with the same friends they’ve had for years.

At first I didn’t think this was true until I closely examined my own circle of friends and observed how welcoming others were.

Here in Florida, we frequently talk about how easy it is to make new friends here. That’s because most of us are transplants. For the most part we left behind our family support system as well as all our friends from our former state.

When we’re younger we have jobs and multiple obligations that limit the time we have to pursue new friendships. Plus, with the time we do have, we often spend it at family functions.

That’s especially true when we have a big, closely knit family. When I was raising my children, trying to balance my working hours with family life, when I did have social get-togethers it was mainly with my extended family.

By the time you spend time with your parents, in-laws and other family members, that’s pretty much it. At least it was for me.

On any Sunday night when I could manage it, I headed to my Aunt Theresa’s where our family liked to congregate. We played a bit of cards and sat around her kitchen table kibitzing and eating some of the homemade cake she always had for us.

There were always interesting stories to hear and there was certainly plenty of laughter.

Looking back on those years I’m so glad I made the time for those Sunday get-togethers, because all too soon my family members passed away and I no longer had a large extended family.

I think I’m typical of many people in that when I no longer had my big extended family, that’s when I reached out to friends.

“Reached out” are the key words here. Do you continue to reach out to others?

When we get to retirement age we have more time for friendships and probably more need for those friendships.

The interesting thing is how we make those friendships.

Let me ask you this? How open are you to new friends? Do you actively try to meet new people? Or, do you mainly stay with the same people your know?

Think about the friends you do have. How many are new friendships and how many have been your friends for years?

Here’s what I observed. We are all creatures of habit. Many of us hang out with the same people — friends we like and have known for a while.

When you go to a church event or a social event, do you sit with the same people every time you have a choice?

I think it’s an ingrained habit that when we go to an event we immediately head for those we know.

Recently I was appointed director of our Emmaus group. In addition to spiritual growth, an important goal of Emmaus is getting to know other women and drawing closer to them.

I’ve listened carefully when I hear woman say it’s tough to get to know other women because they stick with the friends they have and don’t reach out to others. Some call this “staying in a clique.”

In our women’s organization we try to eliminate some of this by forming discussion groups bashed on drawing random numbers.

Truthfully, many of us in Emmaus do make it a point to reach out to newcomers.

What I realized about myself is that when David and go to our weekly dinner dances, we always sit with our same longtime friends. We now try to alternate sitting with friends and sitting at random tables so we can get to know others.

When I go to our community events, I always sit with those I don’t know, thinking there are some potential friendships just waiting to be developed.

So far the jury is still out for how successful I am in these endeavors. That’s because I discovered many are, indeed, more comfortable being with those they know.

Often, when I sit at a new table so I can get to know new people, the women only talk among themselves. The women at the last table I sat at spent the time talking about their past shopping trips and future events they will do together. They were not welcoming.

From all the years I’ve spent interviewing people, I’m fairly good at starting and maintaining conversations.

But there are so many times when I strike out big time.

For one dinner dance I asked a woman I knew casually if I could join their group. “No,” she said. “We sit with the same friends every time. We’ve all been friends for decades and we always sit together when we go out.”

See — it’s not always easy nor practical to “break into a group.”

But I equal it to fishing. If a fisherman doesn’t catch anything that day, it doesn’t mean he stops fishing. It means he tries again at another day.

So I’ll keep trying for another day.

Meanwhile, tell me your experiences.

Do you find it easy to make new friends?

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.