Here’s a fantasy classified ad for a job opening.

Worriers wanted. Must have five years experience. Qualifications include pacing the floor and high stress levels. Anxiety and panic attacks a plus! Job duties will include worrying about everything that comes across your desk. Added bonus: even if your projects are successfully completed, you still will worry that someone will find something that went wrong. Salary and benefits: Let us worry about that. Apply directly to Warriors of Worriers. Keep checking your email. If you don’t hear back from us in three days, you should worry that we might be worrying that you might not be the right candidate for the position.

Speaking of worrying, how about this conversation between Tom and Sam.

“Hey, Tom, what are you worried about?”

“I’m worried about global warming. How about you?”

“I’m worried that it might take another day or two for this paper cut I have to heal.” Sam said.

“So I worry about the environment and you worry about your paper cut?”

“Yup. I’m also worried if there will be nice weather for the baseball game tonight.”

“I’m also fretting about attaining world peace,” said Tom. “If North Korea bombs us today, you might not be able to go to your game tonight.”

“That reminds me,” said Sam. “If I don’t ask Randy to go to the game, he’s going to be mad at me for a long time.”

“So the environment might become extinct. A nuclear bomb could be dropped and kill us all at any minute and you worry about your finger and some guy named Randy?”

“Well, Tom. It’s like this. I’m rooting for global warming right now so I can sit in my shirt sleeves at the game tonight, and if I don’t ask Randy to go, the peace in my little world is over. He’ll complain to at me every day about it. And with my finger, if I worry like you do, my paper cut might become infected and bacteria will get into my bloodstream and kill me long before the trees all die or there’s a nuclear war!”

To be honest, we all worry about something, and those people who tell us not to worry, well, yeah, they have their own worries, too.

Some worrying is good; you care. In fact, if I am not worried during the first time my daughter goes on a date, doesn’t that mean I’m a bad father?

According to WebMD, worrying is feeling uneasy or being overly concerned about a situation or problem. With excessive worrying, your mind and body go into overdrive as you constantly focus on “what might happen.”

In the midst of excessive worrying, you may suffer with high anxiety — even panic — during waking hours. Many chronic worriers tell of feeling a sense of impending doom or unrealistic fears that only increase their worries. Ultra-sensitive to their environment and to the criticism of others, excessive worriers may see anything — and anyone — as a potential threat.

Chronic worrying can affect your daily life so much that it may interfere with your appetite, lifestyle habits, relationships, sleep and job performance. Many people who worry constantly can be so anxiety-ridden that they seek relief in harmful lifestyle habits such as overeating, cigarette smoking, or using alcohol and drugs.

Of course, chronic worry causes stress, and at its worst, it can invade your body with deadly consequences. My father was what we called a “worrywart.” His relentless worrying developed stomach ulcers that led to internal bleeding, and in time, contributed to his death.

For chronic worriers, the glass is always half-empty, the worst-case scenarios play out in their minds and being a worrisome warrior can be a full-time job.

English philanthropist John Lubbock once said, “A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.”

Professional golfer Walter Hagen shared his philosophy about we should live. “You’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, Don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.”

An ultimate pessimist once told me, “Expect the worst and you’ll never be disappointed.” Some worriers I know are members of that club, and when everything goes wrong, they are very quick to say, “I told you so!”

I know. I know. You told me so. So for now you have nothing more to worry about. While you’re waiting for the next thing to worry about, why don’t you go and smell some flowers.

Rich Strack can be reached at katehep11@gmail.com.