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Ah, sweet mystery of life

Published June 21. 2014 09:00AM

OK. So how many of you have ever misplaced something and when you find it, you're in total amazement at where it was found?

Like putting the television's remote control in a kitchen drawer of hot pads and tea towels. Yes. My hand is raised.

Or, have you ever reached for the hair spray and instead gave your hair a good dose of air freshener? That happened to a friend of mine. Her hair lost its curl but smelled really good.

Then there's my friend, Diann. We were sitting next to each other in Sunday school and I commented on how good she smelled. She looked at me quizzically and said that was odd because she wasn't wearing any perfume because her dad has COPD, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and can't handle the fragrance. The same thing with hair spray. So she couldn't imagine what I smelled, unless it was mineral spirits.

I looked at her kind of funny and said, "Mineral spirits?"

"Yes," she said. "I spritz it on my hair to keep it from getting frizzy."

I said it again, "Really? Mineral spirits? I never heard of that."

And she nodded "yes" again.

I sat there for a minute and tried to take in what she had just said. I couldn't quite wrap my brain around why anyone would use mineral spirits as a hair spray. I've only ever used it to clean paint brushes. I thought it was flammable too. Then I got this horrible mental image of Diann getting her head too close to a candle and her hair bursting into flames!

Nothing more was said and our Sunday school class began.

Fast forward three hours later. I got a phone call. It was Diann.

"Did I tell you I spritz mineral spirits on my hair?"

"Yes," I said.

I heard her giggling. "I meant mineral water. Not mineral spirits. Who would put mineral spirits on their hair?"

Whew. Crisis averted. I don't have to worry anymore about Diann's hair going up in smoke.

Of course, we never did solve the mystery of why she smelled so good.

Another mystery is why there are stupid public signs. I came across this website that featured some amazingly stupid signs. I know for a fact that they're out there. When we visited the Grand Canyon, there was this one in the ladies room stalls above each toilet at the Bright Angel Lodge: "Reclaimed Waste Water. Please do not drink the water." Seriously? These signs were needed why? Because someone actually drank the water from one of the toilet bowls? Ewwwww! Beyond belief!

Some of my web favorites:

*Swimming Notice: Minnesota State Law Strictly Prohibits Underwater Smoking (Wouldn't you like to meet the people who tried drawing back for a lungful? Well, maybe not. They're probably dead. Hence the sign.)

*From the Newcastle Tramway Authority: Touching Wires Causes Instant Death ... $200 Fine (And after you're dead, who are they going to hit up for the fine?)

*Staff and Visitors Only (And that keeps out who? Smurfs?)

*Death Valley Health Center (A real confidence builder.)

*Please Don't Throw Your Cigarette Butts Into The Water. We're Trying To Get The Fish To Quit Smoking. (OK. That's just funny.)

*Illiterate? Write For Free Help (Wouldn't you love to know how many people responded to this?)

*From Church of the Cross United Methodist Church sign ..." Don't Let Worries Kill You, Let Us Help." (Uh, maybe I'll try the Baptists down the road apiece.)

*Road sign ... "Caution, Water On Road During Rain" (Duh. You think?)

*Doorbell Broken. Yell Ding Dong Really Loud. (And maybe the Avon Lady or the Wicked Witch of the West will answer.)

*Electronic highway traffic sign: You'll Never Get To Work On Time HaHa! (Computer guy on too much caffeine now unemployed ... hahaha.)

*This Door Must Be Kept Closed At All Times. (Well, then don't call it a door!)

*Speed Limit 12 1/2 (Seriously, do not think about going 13 mph.)

*OK. I can't even being to imagine being at this place: "Closed, Due To Flying Ants" (Guess that means no picnic today!)

*Chico's Mexican Restaurant-Best Pizza In Town (Huh?)

And last but not least ...

*Do Not Approach Alligators (We need signs like this because someone in today's world thinks they might be warm and fuzzy? You mean there's someone out there who hasn't watched an episode of "Swamp People?" "Shoot 'em, Elizabeth!")

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