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Here's to dads

Published June 15. 2013 09:03AM

Father's Day is tomorrow. Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington, initiated Father's Day in 1910 believing fathers deserved recognition, just like mothers did on Mother's Day. She felt very strongly about that because her father was a single parent who raised six children. It didn't become a permanent national day until President Richard Nixon signed it into law in 1972.

Now if you'd ask my mom, she'd say every day was Father's Day in our house. My sister and I both believed our dad could walk on water. Mom's words were, "He can do no wrong in your eyes." We heard that phrase every time Dad was on Mom's poop list and she'd accuse us of always taking his side.

Well, maybe that's true. If I had to come up with any kind of defense, I guess it would be that he worked so much that when we were actually in his presence, we were so giddy with happiness, he could have had one eye, two heads and three legs and we would have thought he was wonderful.

Even when he made a mistake, we always took his side. Like when we went down an ice-covered hill in his new '68 Camaro. Mom cowered on the floor so she couldn't see the end coming while Diane and I saw our lives flash before our eyes, believing we were too young to die. When we arrived at the bottom all in one piece, Mom began yelling at him for doing something so stupid. Dad, Diane and I were so dizzy with relief we just laughed hysterically. We slapped Dad on his back telling him how great a driver he was and that was the best ride ever, making Mom madder yet, reinforcing her statement that we thought he could do no wrong.

When he took Diane snowmobiling one time, he sort of misjudged where he was and they went airborne over the baseball field in Kunkletown. Diane still doesn't know how they survived that one but when she pulls a "Dad Memory" out of her bag, that's one she always talks about.

As Diane and I were talking about Dad, she said, "Did you ever notice how the older he got, the higher he wore his pants?"

We giggled as we recalled Dad with his pants almost up to his chest, chomping away on a grody old wet cigar. Ahhh, Dad memories.

Here's a story about a new dad told by his wife, Karissa Meador, that made me laugh so hard I cried.

"My husband was a new dad and our son was 3 months old. We took the baby with us to watch a movie and half way through noticed a strong smell. The baby needed changing. My husband offered to take him and change him in the men's room. But after about 20 minutes, I began to get worried. Just as I was going to look for him he came back in the theater wide-eyed and frazzled, pushing the stroller:

"What happened," I asked.

"He had a blow out."

It was at this moment I looked down and saw that our tiny son was wrapped in brown paper towels from the bathroom machine. No pants or shirt on, just a diaper. MacGyver had come out in full effect and our child was now wearing paper towel baby wear.

"I went to change him and put his new outfit out on the table. He started to pee again with his diaper off, on his clean clothes, and then he pooped on the wall."

"He what? How could he do that?"

"I have no idea but it happened, all over the wall. It shot out like mustard," he said with exhaustion as if he just fought a battle.

Gives new meaning to having a crappy day, but points out how creative dads can be.

Like the dad who came up with an idea for his kids to get along. I found a picture online of a sister and brother. Both their faces tell the story of being very unhappy campers. The little sister looks like she's still crying. Their dad took one of his teeshirts and wrote on it ..."Our Get Along Shirt" and made them put it on so they are right tight together. My guess is they'll either kiss and make up or duke it out. My guess is brother will do everything possible to get as far away from little sister as soon as he can.

Another picture shows how devious dads can be. A smiling little innocent sweetheart in pjs about three years old has a sign around her neck that reads, "I pooped in the shower and Daddy had to clean it up. I hereby sign this as permission to use in my yearbook my senior year." Her illegible signature is on the bottom. Boy, I'd hate to be that Dad 15 years from now when she realizes what he did to her.

Groucho Marx said years ago there were many songs written about mothers, like "Mammy," "Mom They're Making Eyes at Me," "My Mother's Eyes," but nobody ever wrote any songs about fathers. So he wrote a song for fathers. It went like this: Today, Father, is Father's Day. And we're giving you a tie. It's not much you know. It is just our way of showing you, we think you're a regular guy. You say that it was nice of us to bother. But it really was a pleasure to fuss. For according to our mother you're our father. And that's good enough for us. Yes, that's good enough for us."

Hey Dad, if you can hear Diane and I, we just want you to know, you were always good enough for us.

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