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Some reasons not to celebrate

Published July 13. 2013 09:04AM

If you are lucky, you will have missed out on the fact that Tuesday was the National No Bra Day.

Upon first hearing that such a day even existed, my first response was, "Eww. Why?"

Just as the week before we celebrated our country's independence from England; this day was set aside for us girls to celebrate our independence from what has been purported to be one of the most uncomfortable articles of clothing known to women.

To be perfectly honest, I am exceedingly glad that this holiday doesn't garner much attention around here. (Unless you shop at Wal-Mart in which case you will quickly discover that every day is a No Bra Day.)

I find the practice to be less than appealing and bordering on gross.

Gentlemen, I am pretty sure that there are many of you who are now sad that you missed out on this most titillating holiday and would have "supported" it wholeheartedly had you known.

In fact, men who would like to celebrate it are encouraged to wear purple for the day. Keep that in mind next year.

When I mentioned the significance of July 9 to my husband, his eyes widened and a huge, stupid, (and almost hopeful), smile emerged across his entire face.

He literally lit up like a little kid on Christmas morning.


While I will not touch on the reasons behind this fascination in men, I will give my opinion on reasons why this holiday should NOT be celebrated.

Some things are better left to the imagination.

Jiggle is for Jell-O. Period.

If you trip over them when you walk, or can otherwise tuck them into your shorts, they should be subdued.

If you can dust the furniture without the use of your hands when bending over, or if you knock over beverage glasses, knick knacks or other stationary items, cage the puppies.

If you can poke out someone's eyes with those things, they should be tucked away behind padded restraints.

A proper fitting and good quality brassiere can be most comfortable and almost imperceptible, whereas, cheaper and incorrectly sized ones can itch and dig and make you down right miserable.

(As a side note, it is estimated that roughly 85 percent of women are wearing the wrong size bra.)

Wearing a bra can help to slow down the sagging process who doesn't want that?

Wearing a bra can create a nifty little secret space to store your cash or a hands-free drink holder if you are lucky. However, storing a cell phone in there may not be a good idea according to some recent breast cancer claims.

If the National No Bra Day intrigued you, there is also a National Go Topless Day every August, which always falls on the Sunday closest to Women's Equality Day.

The purpose of this day is to make the declaration that women should be equal and allowed to go topless anywhere that men can.

Now, while I do admit that during the occasional hot flash that I would love nothing more than to strip off my shirt and anything underneath it in order to get some relief, I do not think that it should be done publicly. After all, I care about the safety and well-being of others.

In fact, there are many men whose breasts are larger than a lot of women I know and I don't really want to be subjected to that visual either, quite frankly.

Perhaps they should just be required to wear shirts too.

Interestingly enough, in New York City and as a result of a 1992 New York Court of Appeals ruling, women can feel free to walk around topless any time they like, provided that they are not engaging in any lewd behavior or are topless for commercial purposes.

(Was that the sound of hundreds of men dropping their newspapers and running to their cars to drive to New York that I just heard?)

Perhaps one hot, summer day when I am old and senile, my family will take me to Manhattan and use me as a walking public service message to make it perfectly clear to lawmakers why the 1992 topless ruling was a bad idea.

Until then, these girls shall remain locked and loaded.

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