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Epitaphs of wisdom

Published December 14. 2013 09:00AM

The Irish have long been known for their love of the macabre and humor, even in death. The following was given to me by a friend who found it on the internet and the work of the IrishCentral publication.

The following is taken from gravestones in Ireland. These are not made up, only the Irish could find humor in death.

From Northern Island: "Erected to the memory of John Phillips, accidentally shot as a mark of affection by his brother"

Belturbet County Cavan: "Here lies John Highey, whose mother and father were drowned in their passage from America. Had they both lived they would be buried here"

Belfast City Cemetery: "Duff: In loving memory of beloved Gerald, husband, father, died 30th November 1989 aged 65 years: I told you's I was sick"

Larne County Antrim: At the grave of a man hanged for sheep stealing: "Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp, lived by wool died by hemp"

Belfast: "Beneath this stone lies Katherine my wife. In death my comfort, and my plague through life. Oh liberty! but soft I must not boast she's haunt me else, by jingo, with her ghost"

Dublin: "Here lies the remains of John Hall, grocer. The world is not worth a fig. I have good raisins for saying so"

Youghal, County Cook: "Here lies poor but honest Cecil Pratt. He was a most expert angler until death, envious of his merit threw out his line and hooked him"

Waterford: "Here lies the body of Anthony Reynolds, who although a miller was an honest man"

County Clare: "This stone was raised to Sarah Ford, not Sarah's virtues to record for they're well known to all the town. No Lord; it was raised to keep her down"

Mallow, County Cork: "Here lies the body of Edmund Spenser, great great grandson of the poet Spenser, unfortunate from his cradle to his grave"

The Irish are also good with insults. Here are some from IrishCentral I thought you might like.

You're as thick as manure but only half as useful.

A face that would drive rats from a barn.

I never forget an Irish face but in your case I'll make an exception.

May you melt off the earth like snow off the ditch.

May your pipe never smoke, may your teapot be broke.

May your spade never dig may your sow never pig.

May the cat eat you and the devil eat the cat.

When you were born you were so ugly the nurse slapped your mother.

You're as sharp as a beachball.

Hope you enjoyed some more Irish humor. Happy Holidays.

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