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Mothers deserve the best

Published May 12. 2012 09:01AM

"Why did the mother cross the road?"

A: "To get some peace and quiet."

When my sister's family and mine get together at my mom's on a Sunday, we're a noisy group. There's constant chatter, the television is blaring with the latest hockey, soccer, football game on, and one of us thinks we all are hard of hearing so she shouts everything.

When we're ready to leave, Mom always says, "It's going to be so quiet after you all go."

We're not sure she's saying it with regret or with relief!


Sunday is Mother's Day. It is a day we honor our sainted mothers and if we are mothers, we want to be told how wonderful we are and be pampered. Kids, that means, no fighting, and Dads, be sure Mom isn't doing any cooking.

Mothers have to have a sense of humor to get her through the day. I came across some things that made me chuckle. Hope they bring a smile to some mothers' hearts.


Murphy's Laws for Mothers.

*Never criticize your mother's cooking if you expect to get any more of it.

*Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.

*The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.

*Mother's way is best. If you don't believe it, ask her.

*When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.

*Accomplishments are made possible by your mother failures are your own fault.

*Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you've already done it.

*Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.

*There are always two sides to a story the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.

*Mothers always "know." We don't know how they just do.


Here are some things Famous People's Mothers may have said:

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER: "I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"

BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you quit playing ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"

GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something ...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!


And this is from me to my Mom:

M is for the Millions of Marvelous Memories My Mom Made for Me.

O is for the Oodles of Opportunities and Opinions Mom has Offered.

T is for the Truth, Trust, Teachings, Tenderness and Treasures Mom Tenders to her family.

H is for the Happy, Honest, Honorable Home Mom gave me along with Hugs, Humor, and Her Heart. She is my Hero.

E is for the Endless Encouragement Mom gave and she Earns my Enormous and Eternal gratitude.

R is for being a Rare, Remarkable and Reverent Mother who I Really Respect.

Put them all together and they spell MOTHER, a lady that means the world to me.

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