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Relearning the ABCs

Published March 03. 2012 09:01AM

I'm proud to say, my two-year-old grandson, Sean James Urban, knows his alphabet. He can sing the alphabet song from A to Z, and then he gives me a big smile like he just accomplished something special, which he did.

His mother, a teacher, and his father, a man of words, work hard with him teaching him to communicate. So does my wife, who babysits him on days when his mother is busy teaching high school students.

A is for apple, and B is for boat.We all know the routine.

But as he gets older, like his grandfather did all too quickly, the letters and their meanings change to reflect the priorities of their later life.

An older reader sent this revised ABC's list. I'm sure many of the readers will appreciate the sentiment. Many of us can relate to it. It goes like this:

A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?

D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

H high blood pressureI'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L's for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know..

W for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have in my mind!

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,And I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

If you had fun with that, here's some additional thoughts, also provided by a readers.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

3. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

6. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

7. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

8. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

9. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

10. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

11. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

12. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

13. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

14. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

15. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

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