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Ode to another birthday

Published January 28. 2012 09:01AM

Birthdays come every year,

I try not to shed too many a tear.

Things are getting harder as the years go by,

Even so, I'm still glad to be alive.

Mornings take me forever to get dressed,

Blue or black slacksdeciding makes me stressed.

This blouse fit me two weeks ago,

It was all that birthday cake, don't you know.

Pluck pluck here and pluck pluck there,

I've got so much facial hair.

Have to find the brightest light,

Hard to see the little suckers with my "old lady" sight.

Ready for breakfast, oh so bland,

Must have fiber, nutrients and bran.

Gone are the mornings of my favorite dish,

Peanut butter, marshmallow toast would be my wish.

Driving is becoming hazardous to my health,

I'd have a chauffer if I had any wealth.

I'd be more confident in a Hummer,

Unfortunately I don't have the cash, oh what a bummer.

I'll gladly accept any senior citizen discount,

Since it helps my poor meager bank account.

But since I don't look sixty-one,

It ticks me off when the cashier just assumes I'm one.

When it's finally time for me to go home,

I dread what waits, it makes me moan.

What to make for dinner, is my plight,

Tired of cooking, so it's gonna be a pizza night.

Folding one more load of laundry,

Sometimes leaves me in a quandary.

Where on earth do some socks go?

And why is it I shrink only my most favorite clothes?

You know you're getting old by what you do,

And by what you watch on the old boob tube.

Jeopordy and Wheel of Fortune time is now,

Tell me, why doesn't Vanna look like an old sow?

My eyes become drowsy,

To give in is really lousy,

But my bed is calling,

And my resolve is falling.

My head hits the pillow,

I'm feeling real mellow.

Did I feel this old,

Only a few short years ago?

As I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

I thank the Lord for the gift of another day,

And tomorrow when I wake up, I'll feel 50, I pray.

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