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A different wrinkle on what's new in the news

Published May 14. 2011 09:01AM

On "Good Morning America" this morning, my jaw dropped when it featured an 8-year-old girl who competes in beauty pageants and gets Botox injected in her face because she has wrinkles.


At 8 years old I was very involved in becoming the best tomboy I could be and trying to perfect my Jacks game. I probably didn't even know what a wrinkle was!

I watched in disbelief as her mother tried to defend herself for administering these injections to her daughter because of how competitive children's beauty pageants are and that other little girls are having Botox injections because of wrinkles.

The little girl admitted the injections are painful.

Are these parents nuts? They're kids! They don't have wrinkles!

Have you ever watched one of those TV shows like "Toddlers and Tiaras?" It's so sad how they put makeup on these sweet little faces and dress them up in provocative costumes and make them sashay around like they're 22 years old. It's just wrong.

In this day and age, I think they lose their innocence all too soon.

Let children be children.


It shuffles. It walks stiffly. It's a ghastly sight. It's eyes have crusty pasty looking stuff around them. Something is oozing from its nostrils. It's hair is straggly and stuck up at all angles. It's mouth is slack. It appears to be in a trance of some kind.

I'm ready to scream in fright for I believe I've come face to face with a dreaded Zombie!

Oh wait.

It's just a reflection of me in the bathroom mirror this morning.

Whew. For minute there I thought my brain was going to be zombie toast.

I'm not quite getting this whole zombie craze thing going on.

Did you know that May is Zombie Awareness Month? Really? What are we supposed to be aware of?

Well, according to Matt Mogk, the founder and head of the Zombie Research Society, it's needed now more than ever.

"Zombie Awareness Month is designed to make people more aware of the coming zombie plague," said Mogk. "It's getting bigger each year and this year, the focus is on helping children become aware."

They're going to target the nation's youth through a new children's book, "That's Not Your Mommy Anymore" (Ulysses Press), that Mogk describes as "Dr. Seuss Meets 'Night of the Living Dead.'"

The book explains the implications of the impending Zombie Apocalypse with verses like:

"When she's clawing at the kitchen door, That's not your Mommy anymore. When her face looks like an apple core, That's not your Mommy anymore."

Not your typical warm fuzzy bedtime story, now is it?

One Sunday my nieces Jennie Rose, 22, and Abby, 11, were playing games on those things that are always in their hands. One plays on her phone and the other on a thing called a DSi.

"What are you playing," I asked.

"Zombie Farm," Abby responded in an eerie undead voice.

Zombie Farm is "a unique farming game where you can relax while you plant seeds or plant zombies. Pick up your plow and enjoy the undead countryside!"

Another zombie game she likes is "Plants vs. Zombies." In this one players place different types of plants and fungi, each with their own unique offensive or defensive capabilities, around a house in order to stop a horde of zombies from devouring the brains of the residents.

"Abby, why do you play these games?" I asked

"Because they're fun. I like zombies. They're cool," she said.

"So what's so cool about zombies?"

Her response was like a "Duh." "Because they eat your brains."

Oh yeah. I forgot. Something eating my brains is really cool.

Jennie Rose loves the television show, "The Walking Dead" based on a comic book series by Robert Kirkman. The premise is the world is being taken over by zombies. (I thought it was the Chinese?) And a handful of heroes are fighting to keep their brains from being the main course at a zombie block party, killing as many as they can along the way.

And how do you kill a zombie, you might ask?

Why, you've got to kill its brain, of course.

Most zombie experts advise strong blunt force to the head, burning the zombie, or decapitating it but making sure the brain is dead. One zombie expert says, "What ever you do, don't assume removing the head from the body will stop it. The body may stop moving, but the head is still dangerous as long as it's lower jaw is intact and able to bite."

Evidently, zombiism is like a virus and once they bite you, you will become a zombie too. I tried to watch one episode. It just didn't do it for me. Shuffle shuffle, bite bite, make a new zombie. Bash bash, burn burn, chop chop, kill a zombie.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me. But give me the good old days when little girls like Kitten on "Father Knows Best" and I only worried about getting wrinkles in our starched dresses and my mom warning me that my brain would turn to mush if I watched too much Three Stooges.

Yeah. Right. Like that could happen. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk. Woo Woo Woo.

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