Get thee to a punnery
In Shakespeare's "Hamlet," the title character yells at Ophelia - supposedly his love interest - that she should get to a nunnery. He was being cruel to her in Elizabethan talk. Going to a nunnery in those days was punishment.
I have stolen part of Hamlet's speech to introduce the topic of this column - puns. For those of you who love the language, puns are a refreshing way to laugh. They use (or mis-use) words in such a way that the listener has to be on the same wavelength as the pun-maker.
I found quite a few good examples of puns and want to share them with my readers. A friend sent me a list of puns titled "Puns for Those with a Higher IQ." Here are some:
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? A dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In a democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
A lot of money is tainted - taint yours and taint mine.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
She was engaged to a guy with a wooden leg but broke it off.
Hope you got a giggle or two out of those.
(IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CONTACT DR. SMITH, SHE CAN BE REACHED AT HER EMAIL ADDRESS: JSMITH1313@CFL.RR.COM OR IN CARE OF THIS NEWSPAPER.)