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  • "Go Primitive." That's today's expression to describe using the telephone. This one is programable so be careful to avoid "voicejail."
    "Go Primitive." That's today's expression to describe using the telephone. This one is programable so be careful to avoid "voicejail."
Published January 23. 2010 09:00AM

Now that it's 2010, between the internet, cell phones, smart cars, high tech TV's, and 21st. century relationships, you've probably found yourself at a loss to find the right word.

So, as a help, here's a litany of words that you can begin working into your vocabulary.

A friend's not been talking for a while. He or she is in "airplane mode."

You're talking and need to emphasize a point, use you hands to draw an "air quote."

Listening to a recording that has perfect pitch. That's likely to be a type of software called "autotune."

That someone who stands over your shoulder as you use the internet is a "backseat surfer."

Did you know that when you extract information from a friend or co-worker by getting them drunk, it's called "beerboarding?"

When you invite a close friend to come to a party 10 minutes before the rest of the guests are scheduled to arrive to make it less awkward in case someone you don't know particularly well arrives before everyone else, that's "buffer guest."

So, here are a ton more new words and their definitions.

caps lock voice

When a normally calm person raises their voice and speaks in an authoritative tone.

Christmas Eve Eve

The day before Christmas Eve, 2 days before Christmas.

cobra yawn

The involuntary spraying of saliva while yawning.

courtesy wash

After using a public restroom, giving the illusion of washing your hands by sprinkling them with water and then drying them on pants or a paper towel.

dish envy

Watching a particularly appetizing dish being delivered to a nearby table, and realizing that you made an inferior menu selection.

driver's arm

When the left arm is tanner or redder than the right arm because it's been hanging out the car window.


A song that sticks in your mind, and will not leave.

early nerd special

Midnight showing on the day of release of a highly-anticipated film.

echo effect

When a slogan becomes part of everyday talk. For example when "Where's the beef?" was used in a political debate.


A once efficient method of communication, now a way of harassing Internet users with spam, credit card offers, porn links, and erectile dysfunction advertisements.


Excessive use of words such as robust, paradigm, and drill down. Those on the receiving end of execubabble are no better informed after the speech than when it began.


Storage for clothing which requires no hangers, drawers, doors or effort.

good lenses, bad frames

Someone who doesn't appear to be competent, yet is extremely capable.

go primitive

Instead of keyboarding or texting a long and detailed story someone suggests a phone call as a more direct way to have the conversation.

hostage lunch

Meal purchased by the company, often pizza, and delivered for employees who bosses require them to attend a meeting or work over their lunch hour.

husband chair

A chair in a women's clothes department for a guy to sit in and wait while his wife or girlfriend shops.

I'm not gay seat

The empty seat in a movie theater that two males leave between them to show the rest of the audience that they are straight.

management driveby

When a manager comes whizzing through the cubicles to ask if you need anything without stopping to listen to your answer.

mid-day crisis

when one is in a desperate need for a siesta because they become extremely tired in the afternoon and coffee isn't cutting it any longer.

Middletown, Pennsylvania

A mythical Pennsylvania town where whenever anyone calls 911 there's four cop cars, two ambulances and a SWAT team.

Northwest nap

A deep sleep where you are unable to hear telephones, text messages, and even the Air Force. Named to honor the Northwest Airlines pilots' in-flight snooze.

one upper

A person who responds to hearing someone else's story by telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic outcome.


Pulling a car door handle at the moment the driver unlocks the door, rendering the attempt fruitless, and resulting in minor frustration and/or embarrassment.

problem saturation

When the media addresses an issue incessantly building up to a sense of pending doom which never develops.

Pullin' a Palin

Abandoning responsibility to make money on the lecture circuit.

quarter life crisis

Usually occurs sometime in your twenties, when you are a few years out of school and still feel as though you're waiting for your life to begin and it hasn't.

relationship test

A task you place on a person who you've just started dating to evaluate whether or not that person is relationship material. Alternate;y, the date during which one introduces a partner to one's family for purposes of evaluating the long-term viability of the relationship.

slip of the thumb

Sending an e-mail or text message to the wrong person.

tooth sweater

The texture on your teeth that feels like you are are wearing fuzzy little sweaters when you go for a day or so without brushing your teeth.

unprotected sleep

Turning off your alarm clock and going back to sleep; risking not waking up for a job, class, or other daily task.


The loop of options where you get stuck when trying to navigate through voice mail.

zipper blues

Depressed feeling one gets from constantly having to move around or not being able to stay in one place. Comes from having to always zip up one's jacket because they always have to leave.

zsa zsa zsu

Butterflies in the stomach feeling when you want to be with someone you really really like.

So, good luck, avoid dish envy, and be kind to those with good lenses, bad frames.

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