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This Valentine's Day, renew-the-woo

Published February 11. 2010 05:00PM

If your relationship is a little cold, hostile or distant, then maybe this Valentine's Day can be the time to kick-start the relationship.

It is not uncommon that with the stress of everyday life or even the regularity of everyday life that the emotional connection between couples fades.

Relationships can go from routine to rut.

Adding some spice, surprise and spontaneity can infuse a relationship with new life and meaning. You can rekindle the connection and find greater satisfaction and intimacy.

To renew-the-woo in your relationship, you have to key into the needs and wants of your partner.

Renewing-the-woo is not about you setting out to meet your needs. It is about setting out to meet the needs of your partner.

While big gestures make a splash, the effects often wear out quickly, like a flash in the pan.

Rather than big gestures, small gestures that really key into your partner's desires will be more meaningful and can actually provide longer lasting effects.

A note that expresses love, or even a poem, breakfast in bed, helping with the dishes, a single rose and even an apology can be a remarkable gift.

If there are past transgressions that have been simmering, taking full responsibility for your part whilst looking for nothing in return can be a tremendous gift.

If there are issues of abuse, drug or alcohol consumption problems, acknowledging it and seeking help can be a remarkably meaningful gesture as it expresses an appreciation for the impact of these issues on the partner.

To give a gift that keeps on giving, you can make a series of cards, each as a ticket to be redeemed for certain activities or behaviors.

These can include a massage, cleaning the garage, a bubble bath, a special dinner, a movie night, etc.

Giving a gift of items to be redeemed at your partner's request adds to the spontaneity and keeps you checked in with each other.

This Valentine's Day, if your relationship has lost its luster, consider renewing-the-woo. Be nice think twice and make it a gesture that keeps on giving.

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and expert on matters of family life. on 112 (social work) report.

Visit his Web site to read his many articles and view clips of television and radio appearances:

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