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Week of weird

Published August 28. 2010 09:00AM

It's been quite a week of weird.

Do you remember I told you how I lost the dining room's TV remote control almost three months ago?

I found it Sunday night. In my car. It was stuck between the driver's seat and the console.

I was sitting in the passenger seat waiting for Harry to come back from an errand when I spied it. I went to reach for it and got my hand stuck. I was in the process of getting it "unstuck" when Harry opened the door. I screamed at him not to sit down, afraid of what kind of damage he would do to my dear left hand. He asked me "What the heck are you doing?" and when I told him, he laughed his head off. Then he told me to take my watch off, (which is why I couldn't get my hand out because I was afraid I would rip the band.) I rescued my poor hand and he removed the remote by reaching "under" the seat. He has been telling everyone he sees what I did.

I don't know. I don't find it so hard to believe that the last thing I do when I leave for work is turn the television off. It's just a minor detail about putting the remote down before leaving the house. Don't you think?

Went to the West End Fair Monday night to work in the West End Rotary stand. I tripped over a tree root and fell flat on my face. I ended up with muddy and skinned knees, elbow and broken pride. I think it gave me whiplash, too!

Of course I had an audience.

On my way down I heard a collective "Ohhhhhh" from the people working in the Palmerton Exchange Club stand.

A gentleman from the midway saw me and came running over to help me up. People in the stand offered me tons of napkins to wipe the mud off and wanted to know if I needed help.

Yeah, to find my dignity. I think it was under my car seat.

I was sharing all this with my friend Karen who commiserated with me. She thinks we live in parallel universes.

To try to make me feel better she told me about taking a tumble at Walden Pond in Massachusetts a few years ago.

"Not long after we got there, the skies turned black, the wind picked up, and it was obvious we were in for one heck of a storm. So, we are rushing back to the car, and of course, I'm pooped from the mile walk out in the first place. Amanda is stomping on every stick she sees as we are walking. I'm hurrying her along, thinking we must be in the path of a tornado. People are rushing up the path past us, and she keeps stomping on twigs. Well, she sees a nice big one and stomps on it. Unfortunately, it was not a twig, but an entire branch that rolled up, caught me across the knees, and sent me flying flat on my face. However, it wasn't my face that hit the ground first. It was the two buoys I keep strapped to my chest. Two men came running over and picked me up, one under each arm, so I'm kind of hanging there, and all I can see is black mulch in two perfect circles on my chest. I'm trying to reach over and wipe it off before anyone notices it, but can't because of the way they are holding my arms. I had mulch on my nose, my chest and my knees. Nowhere else. So we know what hit the ground and what didn't."

I think her mulchy "girls" trump my bruised knees!

I tried to get my toenails painted Tuesday after work. I walked into the nail place. There were two staff people and no customers. I told them what I wanted.

The one woman said to the other, "You go to Dollar General. I do her." The second one said, "I'm not going to Dollar General. My tires aren't good" as she points to the pouring rain outside. The first one asked me, "You come back in hour while we go do errands?"

Do I have this giant neon "L" for "Loser" on my forehead?

On my way out I heard, "You not mad are you?"

Since I think of cool comebacks hours after the fact, I said, "No. I'm not mad."

And I wasn't. Just perplexed.

I should have said, "No, I'm not mad that you've been sitting around all day with nothing to do and the minute you get a customer you suddenly have errands to do. No. I'm not mad. Just a little confused about the idea of why you're in business."

As I was getting in the car, she came to the door and waved me back inside. I thought, "Not on your life, Sister!" waved back and left.


Harry's on a renewed fitness tear again. He's decided to walk/jog three miles around our block every other day. Monday when he came back from his walk/jog he discovered his cell phone was not attached to his belt. Afraid it might have come off while jogging, he drove around the block to see if it was laying in the road someplace. When he didn't see it, he decided to retrace his steps and ended up walking another three miles.

He admits to being really winded and pretty shaky after six miles. Still phoneless.

He dialed the phone to see if it went right to voice mail thinking it would prove that it was run over and smashed.

He heard his cell phone ring tone. And there it was on top of the hutch in the dining room. He couldn't remember if he took it off before he left on his walk/jog or when he returned.

Love it!

Karen says, "We should look at these experiences this waythey give us fodder to write about and proves what great senses of humor we have, and what could be better than that?"

Uh, remembering stuff and standing upright at all times would be nice.

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