Skip to main content

Don't rush out to buy asteroid insurance

Published November 21. 2009 09:00AM

There is a cottage industry based on the premise that, on December 12, 2012, the world will end.

Some say an asteroid will hit Earth.

Others say there will be all kinds of natural disasters owing to some kind of odd celestial formation.

One website says: "The galactic alignment is the alignment of the December solstice sun as viewed from Earth with the galactic equator. The galactic equator is basically the Milky Way, as it's perceived in the sky. This is an alignment that is caused by the procession of the equinoxes, and it happens only once every 26,000 years."

Well, of course. What was I thinking? I had forgotten all about the procession of the equinoxes. But no wonder. It's been 26,000 years since the last one and I've been busy since then.

Anyway, whatever is supposed to happen will take place at exactly 11:11 p.m. How do we know the precise time? Well, it was given to us in the Mayan Long Count calendar.

If you're a follower of the early Mayans, you probably know all about this stuff and their calendar.

I'm not a follower of the Mayans. In my entire life, I've never known one single Mayan.

I wasn't sure what they contributed to our culture. What is named for the Mayans? Maybe mayonnaise? Turns out, what they gave us is a calendar which hints at wide ranging fanaticism based on projections. The Mayan Long County calendar ends of December 12, 2012, and the superstition it's breeding is turning into big business.

If you do an Internet search, you'll discover all kinds of fanaticism based on December 12, 2012. There are books, websites, television shows and even clothing with the Dec. 12, 2012 theme.

(If you purchase the Dec. 12, 2012 hat and T-shirt, just be aware that you'll only have three years to wear it before the asteroid hits.)

Actually, during my research of the topic, I became confused. Some sites hinted that Nostradamus was the one who targeted the December date.

One site suggested that the Mayans couldn't possibly have been able to predict the future as their main concern was praying to their numerous gods for rain.

They also believed in human sacrifice and blood letting.

"For decades, their cities have been excavated, their languages studied, their scripts decoded, yet this civilization still mystifies," claims one site.

Turns out, scholars deciphered their language in the 1980s but we still don't know why the Mayan civilization collapsed.

Yet, despite all this, some people really put stock in the idea that Mayans could predict the future. Well guess what? Everyone can predict the future.

I haven't created a Long Count Calendar, whatever that is, but I do have a few easy predictions. Here they are:

I predict that you don't need to worry about buying asteroid insurance because if a large asteroid hits in your backyard your asteroid insurance won't make a difference.

I predict that some bad things will happen in the future. I predict that there will be an earthquake, a hurricanes and maybe a tsunami. I predict that a volcano or two will erupt. Others will not.

Finally, I predict that bananas will ripen quickly and Mayan mayonnaise will start to go bad 30 days after the expiration date.

So take the money you would've spent on asteroid insurance and treat yourself to something good over the Thanksgiving holiday.

Classified Ads

Event Calendar


October 2017


Twitter Feed

Reader Photo Galleries