By DEN MCLAUGHLIN

dmclaughlin@tnonline.com [1]

A friend of mine from high school sent me the following, since the both of us are at that AGE, whatever that means. Thought you would enjoy the following.

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An eldrely Flordian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on his way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in "disregard." He say, "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

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Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

* * * * *

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me...I known we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally, she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

* * * * *

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went through. So she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

* * * * *

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in our out of the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."