By BOB URBAN
Football season has only been over for two weeks, but I already miss it. Good news, however, is that next week pitchers and catchers will be reporting for spring training. Baseball will be here soon.
I think the late Whitney Houston's most defining moment as an entertainer came prior to the Super Bowl in 1991. Houston was asked to sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl, and her rendition was inspiring to all Americans who tuned into that game, won by the Giants over the Bills. She sang her Anthem just 10 days after the beginning of the Gulf War.
Even when it's good, it's bad. While many of us are applauding the mild, almost snowless winter we've been experiencing, we may pay for it in the long run - like next summer. The mild winter gives mosquitoes an opportunity to survive during the winter, increasing the chances for West Nile virus once the weather gets warmer. Still, I'm not wishing for a blizzard. We'll take our chances with the mosquitoes when the weather gets warmer.
Several years ago I wouldn't have said this, but I enjoyed watching Tiger Woods collapse at last week's tournament at Pebble Beach. I can't see myself ever rooting for him again.
Time for some fun. Enjoy these thoughts provided by a loyal reader.
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
10. A calendar's days are numbered.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
15. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
23. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
27 Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
34. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.