By DEN MCLAUGHLIN
Some Saturday humor.
A man hands the teller at his bank a withdrawal slip for $400. He says, "May I have large bills, please". The teller looks at him and says, "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When a husband and wife arrive at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, they are told the keys have been locked in it. So the couple went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As the couple watched from the passenger side, the wife instinctively tried the door handle, and discovered that it was unlocked.
Meanwhile, the technician announced, "Hey, it's open."
A couple called Sears to have their garage door repaired. The repairman came and said one of the problems was that the motor was not large enough on the opener. The husband explained he got the largest motor Sears had, a 1/2 horsepower.
The repairman shook his head and said, "You need a horsepower." The man responded, "1/2 is larger than ." The repairman said, "No it's not. Four is larger than two."
Woman goes to a local Taco Bell and orders a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce." The person said he was sorry but they only had iceburg lettuce.
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. A person was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker. She asked if he knew what the buzzer was for. The person she was with said it signals to blind people when the light is red. The coworker responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving!!"
A person goes to the drive-through window at a McDonald's restaurant and gives the clerk $5 bill. The bill totaled $4.25, so the person hands the clerk a quarter. The clerk then responds, "You gave me too much money." The person says, "Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back."
The clerk sighed and went for the manager, who asked the customer to repeat the request. So he did. The manager then said, "We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give back $1 and 75-cents in change.
A person moves into a semi-rural area. He calls the local township administrative office to request the removal of the "deer crossing" sign on the road at his home. The reason, "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing", the manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken. All present just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
Finally. How would you pronounce this child's name? " Le-a". Leah?, no; Lee-A, no; Lay-a, no; Lei, no. The child's mother was irate no one pronounced the name correctly. She said it's pronounced "Ledasha". When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "The dash don't be silent."