All of us have made excuses at some point in our lives. Whether we are trying to get out of something or into something, we can find very creative ways to explain ourselves. Some of the most hilarious excuses come from parents who are trying to tell the school teacher or principal why little Johnny was absent from class.

Over the years I worked as a school principal, I collected some of the best excuses. All of these were actually written by parents.1. Please Pete from absent yesterday. He had diah - dyre - dya - the crappers.2. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with the Marines.3. I had to keep Joanne home because she had to go Christmas shopping with me because I don't know what sizes she wear.4. Please execute Jim from being. It was his father's fault.5. Dear school: Please accuse Joe for being absent on January 28,29,30,31,32, and 33.6. Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.7. Cynthia was absent because her teacher wouldn't let her eat her fried meatballs at lunch.8. Please excuse Ray from school last Friday. He had loose vowels.9. Please excuse Joy from Jim for a few days. She fell off of a tree and misplaced her hip.10. Mary could not come to school because she is bothered by very close veins.11. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.12. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.13. Ralph was absent because of a sore trout.14. I took Mary with me to the movies because I couldn't trust her to stay home in bed alone.15. Please forgive Jerry's absence. He went out in the cold and got sick, gave it to the whole family, so I made him stay home and take care of all of us.16. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take fiscal ed.17. Chris was not in school yesterday because he had an acre in his side.18. Keeping Mark home was the only way I could reach the top of the cupboards to clean them.19. Harry wasn't absent. He was truant. Throw the books at him.20. Micah was absent because he was sick - of school.21. Judy stayed home because she didn't want to get into a fight at recess. Will you please tell the other girl to stay home, too?22. Hank washed his school clothes in Wood Life instead of Woolite.23. The nurse sent Jerry home, so why should I write an excuse? Tell her to.24. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.25. Please execute Wayne for being absent. He had the fuel.26. Letty ate something that didn't agree with her. She puked all day. You wouldn't have wanted her in school.27. Lenny had bugs in his hair. I sent him today. Let me know if they're still there.28. Rose's grandmother came to visit and died while she was here. Rose stayed home to help bury her.29. Mary doesn't like her teacher, so I kept her home and let her visit another school. She didn't like that teacher, either, so she's back.30. Ronnie had poison ivy because he had to go in the woods because our toilet backed up.IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CONTACT DR. SMITH, SHE CAN BE REACHED AT HER EMAIL ADDRESS: JSMITH1313@CFL.RR.COM OR IN CARE OF THIS NEWSPAPER.