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Zapper Man

Harry has many titles. He is my Hunter Man, my Fisher Man, my Honey Man … and now he has a new title.

He doesn't like to sit idle for too long. It's just not in his nature. So if he has spare time, he'll still find something to do.Case in point: We spend Sundays at my mom's. He usually finds chores to do for my mom. Once in a great while he'll find himself choreless. Such was the case a few weeks ago. Roaming over the property, he noticed several carpenter bees and the damage they were doing to Mom's shed.He found a stick of wood about the size of a baseball bat and started swinging. Harry "Mickey Mantle" Koehler hit 35 home runs.Yes. He counted them.The following Sunday … 27.This is the same guy that while I'm enjoying a nice leisurely float in the pool, he's sitting on the pool deck with a fly swatter, killing the wasps and flies that invariably annoy us.I call him The Terminator Man.My sister and brother-in-law, Diane and George, gave him a gift at our Memorial Day picnic … The Zapper.The Zapper looks like a tennis racket that produces a whack of static electricity that kills bugs dead.Now ordinary fly swatters kill flying insects after they land. The Zapper kills them in midair. With one swat, mosquitoes, flies, gnats and other biting insects in your swing path get an electrifying surprise. It's powered by two AA batteries. There is a warning that goes with it: "Not a toy. Keep away from children."But what about Big Kids? Because it was like they gave this Big Kid a new toy!He immediately put the batteries in and went on safari. You would have thought that a fly had become a charging rhino. A mosquito took on the status of an attacking lion. Spiders became fearful, man-eating arachnids. No flying insect stood a chance against him.How it works is, a red light comes on when you press the on/off button. When you let go of the button, the electricity is released. The charge on the grill is enough to zap a mosquito dead, stun a fly or zap off a wing or a leg or both. You just have to push the button and zap the insect out of the air.The bugs serve as conductors between the imbalanced rods. Holding the power button on immediately charges the grill. When you hit the insect, the racket makes a nice spark and a ZZZZZT sound when its static electricity is discharged to the insect.It says it is CE certified safe. The power of a couple of AA batteries would not hurt, and would only shock a human. Its input voltage, 3V; output voltage, 3,300V; input amps, 0.24 ~ 0.26A; output amps, 0.03 Ma (plus or minus). Which means nothing to me.Jennie Rose's fiance, Brandon, a guy much like Harry, really wondered how much voltage it really produces and thought there was only one way to find out. So he touched it.His eyebrows almost shot off his forehead in surprise as he jerked back his finger and immediately put it in his mouth."Ouch!"See? Now that I understand.OK. So Brandon's reaction should have left no doubt in anyone's mind that no human should touch it.But Curious Man couldn't let it go at that. He had to know for himself.As I watched him, I remember thinking, "Really? You just saw a guy get burned and you still have to try it yourself?"ZAP!"Yeow!" he cried as his hand flew as far away from The Zapper as it could get.It was official. Now he was really impressed with his new toy.As we watched Harry entertaining himself and keeping our picnic bug-free, a new name for him came to mind, and every time I saw him running after a bug, I sang this song. I invite you to sing along with me to the theme from Spider-Man."Zapper Man, Zapper ManDoes whatever a Zapper can.No bug of any size'Skito, bees, gnats or flies …Look out!Here comes the Zapper Man!"