By LINDA KOEHLER

lkoehler@tnonline.com

My good friend Connie has been a list-maker since ... well, forever. Which is probably why she is the most organized and efficient person I know.

Me? Not so much. Which tells you that I'm probably the most unorganized and inefficient person I know.

But I'm trying.

I have resorted to making lists because of my you-know-what memory. Short-term. Yeah, that's the phrase.

How's that working for me, you might ask?

Well, I had two items on my most recent shopping list ... toothpaste and paper napkins.

I went grocery shopping yesterday. Spent $113.49. I forgot my list. I came home without toothpaste or napkins. Sad but true story.

***

I love informative emails.

I recently got one from my friend Brenda. It's a tutorial video. It just goes to show people can make anything out of anything. This YouTube video shows Australian musician Linsey Pollak, an expert instrument maker, constructing a clarinet out of a carrot in about four minutes. Yes. A carrot. He uses a measuring stick to mark the holes and an electric drill to make the holes. You won't believe how good it sounds! You gotta see it. Go on the Internet and type in "the Carrot Clarinet."

Of course I had to share it with my email friends. I love the conversation that ensued between Susie and me.

Susie: "What the heck? I'm going to go try and play my zucchini now ...

Linda: LOL! Oh, please … send video! Wonder if I can make a tuba out of a watermelon?

Susie: Let's start a band!

Linda: Lucy on a cob of corn, Linda A. on eggplant, Mary Francis on potato … I can see our name in lights now! THE LETTUCE HEADS. Hmmm. I don't know. The overhead might be too high since we'd have to keep buying fresh veggies after the veggie instruments start to get rotten.

So here's my challenge to all you kids home on summer vacation. Try making instruments out of what's growing in your garden and form a band. And parents, please don't thank me. It's the least I can do to help you from suffering from hearing one more time, "I'm bored," "There's nothing to do."

***

Darryl and Devoe always send great emails that answer so many burning questions. Like this one from that wise maven, Maxine:

"I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as 'Luvs,' 'Huggies,' and 'Pampers, while undergarments for old people are called 'Depends.'

"Well, here is the lowdown on the whole thing.

"When babies mess in their pants, people are still going to Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper'em. When old people mess in their pants, it 'Depends' on who's in the will. Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind."

***

I got an email yesterday that told me it isn't too late to shed my winter pounds I gained before I bust out my bikini and hit the beach.

Yeah, no, I think it might be too late. I missed that boat.

I thought it was funny that the same day I received that email, there was a segment on Good Morning America about a mother, author and blogger, Jenny Trout, 33, of Delton, Michigan. She told her followers of her blog, Trout Nation, that her New Year's resolution was to wear a two-piece bikini and last month posed in a floral two-piece bikini on the shores of Michigan's Lake Superior. (Just type in "Jenny Trout bikini" and it will pop up on your Internet.) Her reason ... "I thought that this would be a good way to show people that it is not as scary as it sounds. Look, if I could do it, you could too. Doing this was a really big leap for me," she said.

Well, Jenny, you go, girl! Since I love the water and own a pool, I do wear swimming suits. I on the other hand, am a firm believer in covering up as much of my jelly rolls as possible. I wear an 1898 model swimsuit and am thinking of wearing knee socks to cover up the varicose veins that decorate my legs. Wearing a bikini is just not on my bucket list.

And Jenny, I don't consider your two-piece bathing suit a bikini. To me a bikini is Band-Aids with strings.

The bikini has been around since the early Romans, as proven from artwork of that time. Watch an old 1920s/'30s Busby Berkeley Hollywood movie and you'll see chorus girls in scanty two-piece costumes. There's a picture of actress Jane Wyman in 1935 wearing a two-piece suit. But it wasn't until 1946 that the real bikini was introduced. It was two triangles on top to cover the bosom and two triangles of fabric to cover the groin and buttocks and became quite scandalous. It was declared illegal in some countries, and the Vatican declared it sinful.

No, Jenny, I will not take the leap and wear a bikini. Of course that's from the woman who now makes lists. I can't speak for the woman who forgets where her lists are. Who knows what she would do.