A good looking man in an Amish straw hat walks by my window. He's hard at work and I watch admiringly as his tanned arm muscles ripple in the sunlight.
Am I having an Amish fantasy?
Nah. I'm actually watching Harry weed whack in the yard in his new Amish straw hat.
A few years ago, he decided that wearing a straw hat was cooler (as in heat) than a baseball cap. I think he paid a buck ninety-eight for it at Turkey Hill. No lie.
It disintegrated a little more every time he wore it. When it no longer had a crown and the brim looked like Mr. Ed had taken a big chomp out of it, I put my foot down and told him he had to buy a new one. We went to Tractor Supply where he reluctantly bought one for $6. Every time he wears it, he gripes. It has this built-in green transparent sun visor in the brim and he hates it. And blames me for it because I thought it was a neat feature. So shoot me.
Last week we went to Lancaster with our best friends, Connie and George.
Everywhere we went, we saw Amish men and boys wearing, you guessed it, straw hats.
And every time he saw one, Harry would say, "I should get one of those hats."
So you'd think if a guy really wanted an Amish straw hat, he'd ask where he could get one, right?
Wrong. My guy waited until we were at our last stop of the last day. We were at an Amish farm produce stand buying corn, cantaloupe, watermelon, tomatoes, peaches ... when this Amish guy comes and unloads another pile of cantaloupe. Harry sighed.
"I really wanted one of those straw hats."
"Why didn't you buy one?" I asked.
"I didn't know where to get one."
"Why didn't you ask someone?"
No comment. Just a look. So I gave him a look back. He walked over to the Amish man and asked, "Could you tell me where I could buy a hat like yours?" And the nice Amish man told him. Imagine that.
We found the store. George decided he had to have one too. For the next 20 minutes, Harry and George did their best Goldilocks impersonations trying to find the ones that fit just right.
When the clerk rang up the cost of the hat, I almost fell over, positive Harry would put it back.
"That will be $26.45."
My Big Spender forked over the money, as did George. They both looked as happy as two little barefoot Amish boys scooting along on their little scooters.
So when Harry walked by me in his new straw hat yesterday, I called him Amos, my Amish guy. I told him all he needed was a beard and suspenders. He said he's not giving up his cut off jean shorts though.
Now that would be a look for you!
Speaking of looks, I've got another one.
Go to your computers and type in Prancercise on YouTube. You're gonna love this!
Monday night I was channel surfing and came across the Riduculist segment of the Anderson Cooper show on CNN. I watched a woman prancing like a horse, yes, prancing. Apparently a 61-year-old lady from Florida, Joanna Rohrback, created a fitness program 20 years ago called "Prancercise." She describes it as "a springy, rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse's gait." But it didn't gain any notoriety until she made a five-minute video recently and it has since gone viral.
"I've got my ankle weights in place and my music's ready, so let's stop talking and do some walking," she begins. If you want to kick it up a notch, then you do the Prancercise Trot and work your way up to the Prancercise Gallop, all the while imagining you're a horse.
Rohrback even wrote a book, "Prancercise: The Art of Physical and Spiritual Excellence." She believes Prancercise liberates us from the fitness chains which are boring routines. "It allows ourselves to fulfill our own sense of self-expression instead of imitating others like monkeys" and it's about "getting back to nature by exercising in it rather than a confined, unnatural, germ-laden environment."
Rohrback wants us to use imagery "to imagine ourselves as a beautiful animal that's a symbol of beauty, strength and endurance while we're exercising in order to free our minds of any self image that may be less appealing."
She urges following a vegetarian diet. "Eating a diet that is anti-inflammatory to the body, especially one that's low in sodium and comprised of eating essential fatty acids…natural whole and especially raw fruits and vegetables, is not unlike a horse's! After all, they are given linseed oil (flax seed oil) and eat a lot of hay, made from wheat alfalfa, barley and soybeans. They eat various other vegetables and fruits and fibrous food like wheat bran is added to their diets."
She strives to feel light. "I want to spring off the ground like an antelope! ... Eating light makes me feel and become light, it makes it easier on my body inside and outside. Additionally, a vegetarian diet has a significant beneficial impact on the conservation of our resources and our planet ... So for a multitude of reasons, including ethical ones, you'll want to consider such a diet!"
As she moves her arms gracefully up and down, prancing to music, all that's missing is a whinny and a neigh now and then.
While Joanna is prancing all over the Internet, I'm pretty sure if I started prancing down Leisure Lane in Effort, my fat behind would be hauled off in a straight jacket to the nearest psycho ward. They'd better bring two jackets because I can just see Harry, an Amish wannabe, running after the paddy wagon in his straw hat, cut off jeans with suspenders and no shirt, shouting, "Bring her back! She's just Prancercising!"