There were these three old ladies discussing the trials and tribulations of getting older.
One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, "Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table and then said, "Excuse me, that must be the door, I'll get it!"
Harry and I have been going to a Bible study for the last few weeks.
Last night I walked in the church with Diann and Devoe, chatting along the way.
After the Bible study, Harry and I walked out to the car. He opened the back door and put our books in. I got in the passenger side door.
After about a minute when Harry didn't get in, I thought, "Well, where the heck is he?"
I sat there a couple of minutes and started to get cold.
By now I had assumed he had gone back into the church for something. I had my keys with me so I started the car and turned the heat on.
I fiddled with the radio, trying to find a station playing something I liked.
I thought about how I still had my dinner dishes to clean up when I got home.
I wondered if I should go inside and hurry along Mr. Motor Mouth because he obviously was having a Gab Fest with someone. But that might have made me look like a naggy old fishwife, so I decided against it.
As the clock ticked, my mind started to drift in an unpleasant direction.
"Suppose someone sneaked up behind him and knocked him out and put him in a car and drove off? Or maybe he was abducted by aliens!"
I'd have to go around the neighborhood putting up his picture asking, "Have you seen this man?"
I'd have to make a plea to his kidnappers on television to please bring him home, that I couldn't live without him.
I pictured a dark night with hundreds of people standing around in a candlelight vigil singing, "We Shall Overcome.'
"Stop it!" I told my wandering mind.
I decided that when he got back into the car I was going to razz him about being worse than a gossipy old woman.
After more than 15 minutes of waiting for Harry, I heard the church door open and thought, "Ahhh, he's finally coming."
It was only Devoe and Diann. Diann's car was parked next to us, so I rolled down Harry's side window, leaned over and said, "Is Harry still in there talking?"
Diann leaned in and said, "Harry's not inside."
An icy cold wave washed over me. I was ready to believe my worst thoughts.
"Well where the heck is he?" I asked
Diann said something so profound, I'll never forget it. She said, "How did he get here?"
That icy cold wave that had just washed over me suddenly became a fiery hot flush.
"O! M! G!"
The light bulb turned on.
Harry had a 6:15 p.m. meeting with a customer and had left at 6 p.m. IN HIS TRUCK with the arrangements to MEET me at the church at 7 p.m.
The realization hit me like a sledgehammer ... I DROVE TO THE BIBLE STUDY BY MYSELF!
I had sat there for over 15 minutes in the car, in the passenger seat, waiting like an idiot for NO ONE!
As Diann and Devoe caught on, they began to laugh hysterically, with Diann threatening to pee in her pants. They laughed so hard they were crying.
"Linda," laugh, laugh, "I think you just had a Senior Moment," Diann managed to squeak out.
I sat there stupefied.
Really? Could I really have so totally forgotten?
After relief set in that Harry hadn't been beamed up to a hovering spaceship or anything, watching two of my best friends laughing their heads off, I began to laugh along with them.
I got out and walked around to the driver's side, said "Good-bye" to the girls and went home, still laughing.
When I got home, Harry was down at the big garage unloading equipment off the truck. I went inside, heard there was a message on the answering machine. It was Diann.
"Haaaarrrry, where are you? You're wife is looking for you. Heeheehee!"
Chuckling, I started washing up my dinner dishes when Harry came in.
"Where were you?" he asked, which seemed to be the question of the night. He assumed I had been right behind him when he left "Usually you drive so fast you catch up to me." When I didn't come home, he thought I must have gone to the grocery store or something.
In my most Sad Sack voice I said, "You have a message on the answering machine."
Because of the tone of my voice he asked with concern, "Is it bad news?"
I just shook my head and said, "It depends on who you are."
He listened to the message from Diann and was even more perplexed.
Then I told him about what happened, even acting out the event.
He just shook his head in amazement.
Later that night, I think I caught him on the Internet looking for cheap nursing homes.
But I have one comforting thought ... I'll be able to hide my own Easter eggs this year.