If you're reading this, you're probably not fishing.

But I am.

I'm away in the northlands, along with my sons, some cousins and some friends, spending a week on a quiet lake with nothing to do but fish, drink beer, eat, and swap some stories.

Which means I don't have any time to write a column today. So somebody suggested I go on line and find a few good fishing jokes to share with readers. Here's what I found.

Expensive sport

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

A Fishing Lure

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.

After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.

With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one."

Take The Bait

It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.

He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.

The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.

This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time.

He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?"

The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."

"What was that?" the old man asked.

Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."

"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."

So, the boy spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"

X Marks the Spot

Bill and Frank rent a boat and go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. Bill says to Frank, "I hope you marked the spot where we caught all those fish." Frank replies, "Yes, I marked an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot." Bill says to Frank sharply, "You idiot. How do you know we'll get the same boat?"

Finally, a fishing philosophy

A sure way to get a bite on a slow day is:

Talk about changing spots

Prepare another rod while one is out

Lay your rod down unsecured

Go for a sandwich

Start to pull the boat anchor

Use the worst fly you own

Crack open your first beer

Crack open your last beer

Take notice of the chick on a passing boat, bank or beach

Watch others fishing

Start reeling in your lines at going home time

Give your fishing rod to a female companion or child to hold

When your landing net is out of reach

When you have cast your line over an obstruction

When you line has drifted into impossible weeds

When you turn to look at the sunrise or sunset

Decide that you need to take a leak A Fishermans Philosophy

A sure way to get a bite on a slow day is:

Talk about changing spots

Prepare another rod while one is out

Lay your rod down unsecured

Go for a sandwich

Start to pull the boat anchor

Use the worst fly you own

Crack open your first beer

Crack open your last beer

Take notice of the chick on a passing boat, bank or beach

Watch others fishing

Start reeling in your lines at going home time

Give your fishing rod to a female companion or child to hold

When your landing net is out of reach

When you have cast your line over an obstruction

When you line has drifted into impossible weeds

When you turn to look at the sunrise or sunset

Decide that you need to take a leak