I recently saw a doctor about my back problem. I won't go into details but one of the things he said was to get more exercise.
Yeah yeah yeah. I know. It's the best thing for you. But it's sooooooo boring. And it demands self-discipline, determination and getting up off the sofa. All things I'm bad at.
Harry, God bless his little pea-pickin' heart, exercises four to five times a week.
His regimen includes exercises he learned in Army basic camp. It's really grueling. And sweaty. (I hate to sweat.) His last one he does totally amazes me. The first time I saw him do it, when he was finished, his face was contorted in what looked like excruciating pain. He was all hunched over, hands on his knees, panting so hard I thought he was having a heart attack!
"Are you all right?" I asked in wifely concern.
"Huff huff, Yeah, huff huff."
"What do you call that exercise?" I asked.
"Huff huff Mountain Climber huff huff."
So I yodeled.
I got a dirty look.
A few months ago he found an old exercise tape of our daughter's in our entertainment unit of Leisa Hart's "Arms and Abs of Steel II."
I walked into our bedroom one night and heard this sexy sultry voice say, "Hi. I'm Leisa Hart." And there's my husband laying on the floor panting.
"Yo. What are you doing watching a woman's exercise tape? And with one who has an exceedingly large bust!" I demanded.
"Huff huff She Is huff Helping Me huff Build Up huff My Abs huff huff."
"Look. If you want an exercise tape, I've got two Richard Simmons's tapes of "Sweating to the Oldies" you can use."
"Huff huff I'm Not huff Going To huff Do Anything huff With That huff Nut Job huff huff," he responded.
One night he huskily whispered in my ear, "Do you want to do it together?"
I looked at him with all the love in my heart and said, "No!"
"Come on. You're always saying we should do more stuff together," he wheedled.
"Excuse me, but I meant things like going to see a Broadway musical or cake decorating classes together, not sweat together." (Did I mention how I hate to sweat?)
I recently read an article about some of the scientifically proven health benefits for regular exercising.
Regular exercise reduces the risk of dying prematurely. (Yeah. If it doesn't kill you first.)
2. New brain cells development
Exercise stimulates the formation of new brain cells (neurons) and the areas of the brain that are stimulated through exercise are associated with memory and learning. (I forgot. What were we talking about?)
3. Prevention of cardiovascular disease
There is a direct relation between physical inactivity and cardiovascular death. (Well, guess that takes the guess work out of what I'm gonna die from.)
4. Attractive body
With a perfect body you look better in clothes and you look better naked. (Which would lead to the next benefit.)
5. Better sex life (Which can be highly over rated.)
6. Back pain remedy
By increasing muscle strength and endurance and improving flexibility and posture, regular exercise helps to prevent back pain. (But what I've found is, if you have back pain, it's almost virtually impossible to exercise. Duh!)
7. Alternative to antidepressants
Research suggests that it may take at least 30 minutes of exercise a day for at least three to five days a week to significantly improve symptoms of depression. (Now that's depressing!)
8. Alternative to hormone replacement therapy for menopausal women.
High-intensity exercise significantly reduces negative changes related to the menopausal transition. (I'm here to tell you, there is NO alternative therapy for menopausal women that works as well as a gab fest with wine and other menopausal women. The effects are short-term and should be repeated as often as possible.)
The other benefits listed include, a cholesterol lowering effect, prevention and control of type 2 diabetes, blood pressure lowering, prevention of cancer, reduced risk of stroke, weight control, muscle strength, bone strength, strong immune system, better night sleep, stress management, gastrointestinal tract benefits.
OK! Uncle! I give in. I'm going to start exercising right now. I will start small and work my way up to a more strenuous routine.
Why don't you join me?
First, hold your hands straight out and make a fist. Take your thumb first, extend it out, then in, up and down. Now your index finger. Out, in, up, down. Do each finger. Rest and start all over. Do this 10 times. In six weeks, we should have skinny and well-toned fingers.
After that, we can do the 10-toe weightlifting exercise.
The great thing about this program is, we can do these exercises while sitting on the sofa as we watch Paula Deen on the Food Channel Network make her Fried Macaroni and Cheese wrapped in bacon.
Hey! I didn't say we had to eat it!
Well, gotta go. Harry's doing the Mountain Climber and I have to yodel. It's an exercise for my vocal chords.