I'm so full I can hardly move. But boy, that was one great Thanksgiving dinner, huh? I'm so stuffed I can't even think! So, I'm going to share with you a couple emails I got recently that really made me chuckle. I'm not that full that I can't enjoy a good laugh. How about you?
This one is a leftover from Thanksgiving.
"Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backward, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned, the dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation, with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
Gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
'Til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floated into the sky,
With a mouthful of pudding and handful of pie.
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees,
Happy Eating to All, pass the cranberries please.
Hope your stuffing was tasty, your turkey so plump,
Your potatoes and gravy had nary a lump.
Hope your yams were delicious,
Your pies took the prize,
Hope your Thanksgiving Dinner stays off your thighs."
Thanksgiving is now just a pleasant gastric memory. It's time to get down to serious business, like Christmas shopping.
I got this email and thought it might give all you shoppers and non-shoppers a chuckle.
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING
"After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Phil, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
3. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
4. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
5. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
6. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
7. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
8. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
9. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
10. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
11. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
12. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
13. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out."
What hits home with this last one is, I'm married to a guy like this.
One day while grocery shopping, Harry took one of the stuffed chickens from an egg display and carried it around until he found me in another aisle and then announced in a loud voice, "Hey honey, I think this one is nice and plump. Can we take it?"
Well, hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and if you went out on Black Friday and took your husband along, I hope you both survived the day.
If there was anytime he embarrassed you while you were shopping, drop me a line to tell me about it. I'd love to share it with our readers.